GDB/GDFD 59: La bataille d’Alberta

battlerages

Yeah, so you might say this is a biggie for us.

Wanye Gretz: Ever since our crew personally oversaw the invention of the written word, electricity, hockey, the internet and finally both nations we have had one goal on the horizon. One goal that was so much in the forefront of everyone’s mind that bingofuel actually broke up with his girlfriend this week to make sure nothing distracted him.

For the first time in the 6 billion-year history of the Earth, Oilers fans and Flames fans can come somewhere and chirp at one another during a Battle of Alberta game.

Now just like when playing nude Jenga there are rules here too. No male on male accidental contact for starters. No personal attacks, profanity laced tirades or other offside nonsensery if you please. Is this because we are boring? No. It’s because if we don’t have some rules of engagement we will probably start a war that will eventually end in Red Deer with Kent W and Willis brawling with Klingon Bat-leths over who has the ability to really lay claim to the last initial “W.” But funny/witty commentary? Oh yeah. Pointing out the obvious like the fact that Calgary turned it’s back on all forms of cerebral logic and signed Todd Bertuzzi? Good to go.

And so now I hand it to our colleagues at FlamesNation and see a Wanye Life Dream™ fulfilled. Next to achieve? Three-way with Natalie Portman and Carrie Underwood.

I have waited for this day for over two years!!!!!!
-WG

TLP: Man, I love Battle of Alberta games. The rivalry, the drama, the easiest two points Calgary will earn all season. It’s just magical.

Now, I don’t know how many Oiler fans mosey over to FlamesNation to check out what Kent and I have to say (it’s all really great, believe me!), but since this is being posted on both sides of “The Nation,” I will make certain concessions to our neighbors to the north, namely first explaining myself in a normal way, then dumbing it way, way down for all you clods that can’t get a job in a real city that people want to live in.

Now, let’s be honest with ourselves and say that the Oilers have been going through a bit of a rough patch the past few years in terms of players not wanting to come to your city or stay there, a general manager that was widely regarded as “borderline retarded,” and a coach who lost his team three months ago and still, somehow, has a job.
(Trans.: Edmonton bad! Players hate! Lowe dumdum! Coach mean!)

Meanwhile, Calgary (you might know it by its other name: Not-Loserville) has had its cup run over with success and happiness. Players want to come here, Darryl Sutter makes good decisions, and Mike Keenan.. well, at least he’s not Jim Playfair.
(Trans.: Everyone like! Big wins! Fun times! Happy all day no sad!)

We at FlamesNation understand that you’re probably a fan of the Oilers because of, say, the 1980s. Can’t blame you. We know it’s hard not to root for a winner. But guys, the 1980s were like 30 years ago almost! It’s time to start living in the here and now. And if you want, we’ll even take you in down here if you’re among Edmonton’s best and brightest. We’ve been looking for someone to clean up all the stables down at the Stampede Grounds anyway.
(Trans.: Cup Days gone! Flames fan good! Sweep poop yes?)

Seriously though, the Flames are going to annihilate you.

All my love,
TLP

Kent W: At the conclusion of George Orwell’s 1984, Protagonist Winston Smith comes to the realization that he loves his nemesis – the State. I think that’s about where I’m at with the Oilers these days, although I come by affection more honestly: there was no room 101 or psychological torture required – I just honestly enjoy watching the Oilers play.

I love watching Dustin Penner lumber around. It always brings a smile to my face to think of the draft picks it required to grab him, or his absurd $4.25M/year albatross of a contract.

I giggle when I see the ‘C’ on Ethan Moreau’s chest. It gives me pleasure to check the Oilers ever-full injury list. I laugh whenever I remember that Jeff Drouin-Deslasarasrfasdfsadfasdrsdfs is the only goalie the club has signed through next year.

The negative goal differential, the constantly being outshot, the worse than average special teams, Kevin Lowe’s comb-over; I love it all. MacTavish’s post game press-conferences are frequently delightful. Zach Stortini’s cartoonish countenance and laughable “fighting” style – it’s all good. Oh, and thanks for Curtis Glencross by the way…

I think what I love most, however, is the continued mediocrity. Edmonton doesn’t suck like, say, the Islanders or the Thrashers. There’s always the faint possibility of making the play-offs on the horizon for the Oilers. That chance, however slim, like the distant scent of baking bread to the staring, drives the organization stumbling forward each off-season and trade deadline, salivating and half crazed, desperate for the taste of success.

As such, they’re never a big threat to get any better. To take the big leap. Like a hopeless junkie, the Oilers never seem to reach their “bottom” so there’s never any real chance of a recovery. Blow it up and start anew? Move veterans for draft picks? It’s hard to do when 8th in the conference is spitting distance away, isn’t it?

It won’t bother me if the Flames lose this evening. Calgary is 12 points up on Edmonton and have little to gain by a victory. Edmonton, on the other hand, can scratch closer to the final play-off spot and move another step nearer to becoming a buyer at the trade deadline. And I would love that too.

It’s win-win for me tonight gents. Im going to crack a beer and cheer for every single goal that’s scored.

Sincerely,
Kent Wilson



  • RCN

    jeanshorts wrote:

    But guys, the 1980s were like 30 years ago almost! It’s time to start living in the here and now.
    Calgary Flames – Stanley Cup Champions 1989
    Edmonton Oilers – Stanley Cup Champions 1990
    5 Stanley Cups > 1 Stanley Cup
    You’re grammar skills are surprisingly acceptable, but your math and memory skills, not so much.

    I love it you tell them which finger they can count there one cup with to.

  • RCN

    W.T. here, all you Oiler fans need to wake up. I drive all across North America and listen to my sat. radio. I encourage all of you to take time to listen to other city sports shows and listen to what they say about the Oilers when they play. They are a joke around the NHL. Everyone thought Brian B. was crazy to say what he said about Lowe but when you listen to other cities, they agree with what Burke said and call Lowe "out of touch" with the real NHL. The local media suggest MacT is a great coach and would be picked up in a minute if released by the Oilers. Dudes, listen to what other cities are saying, they want MacT to stay cause the Oilers are easy picking. They suggest outside of Hemsky, Sourey and Roli, the Oilers have nothing. Do they have a first line center? Do they have a second line, the only true second liner they have is Cole and W.T. suggests he wants out as he will not sign with Oilers after this year. Why you ask? W.T. insists Oilers are no longer a winning organization, just ask other city sports reporters. Maybe Edm radio stations should have guests on from these other cities who call it like it is, ie. Bryan Hall types. They are a dime a dozen here in the good old USA.

    W.T. says when he listens to trade talks and who the Oilers want, you have to remember the other team in the trade must want an Oiler player. Who do other teams want other than the 4 people W.T. has mentioned in this article, no one. Oh sure, you can make up any story you want, but look at the facts.

    W.T. has to get back on the road but please Edmonton fans, widen your scope of interest.

  • RCN

    @ Mr P:
    He asked somebody with the Senators on Tuesday: "Is that Smid in Edmonton any good?" They answered: "Yeh, he's not bad."

    On Wednesday, Bruce asked somebody in Ottawa: "Would you ever trade Schubert?" They said: "Sure, anybody can be traded."

    2+2=5.

  • RCN

    @ W.T.:
    Thanks for telling us Oilers fans what we already know. I offer that you come back regularly to check out the insiteful and informative articles here and to be insulted, (as all Calgary supporters must be), on a regular basis.

  • RCN

    W.T. suggests it is comments like this that show the true IQ of all you great Oiler fans. What you going to do now, sit on the sofa and eat chips and watch cartoons while W.T. continues to educate himself while driving across North America.

  • RCN

    "W.T." AKA "T.W." AKA "The Warrior"

    Dude has to change his handle so often because he either gets banned or cut to ribbons on a regular basis on various forums and radio talk shows he infests. Figures that by incessantly calling into radio shows and berating hosts, he's a minor celeb. Brownlee's ripped him more than once.

  • RCN

    W.T. wrote:

    W.T. suggests it is comments like this that show the true IQ of all you great Oiler fans. What you going to do now, sit on the sofa and eat chips and watch cartoons while W.T. continues to educate himself while driving across North America.

    That post is the biggest pile of drivel ive read since Deep Oil last posted.

  • RCN

    Jack "FMNF" Bauer wrote:

    @ David S:
    Oh my god. This is “The Warrior”??? Does he talk like this when he calls in?

    The third person schtick is the giveaway. Not sure how he speaks on the radio because I'm usually at work. Guy's a legend in his own mind.

  • RCN

    @ W.T.:
    W.T. wrote:

    What you going to do now, sit on the sofa and eat chips and watch cartoons while W.T. continues to educate himself while driving across North America

    Educate yourself how? Listening to talk radio? Get a grip. The only difference is you sit in your truck and eat chips. You are no different my friend.

  • RCN

    Because of this article are we going to have to endure Flames fans post on here all the time? Especially, when to post on flamesnation.com you have to sign up for an account.
    Now, we the Oiler faithful will have to endure smart alec remarks like how out of thirty teams the Flames have won more championships than thirteen of them. Or how the Flames have only retired two numbers (McDonald and Vernon), they don't throw around jersey retirements like the Oilers (Anderson, Fuhr, Coffey, Hamilton, Kurri, Messier and Gretzky). Even arguements like: the Stanley Cup is so twenty years ago, the Conference Quarter-Finals and a division title is where it's at in 2009.

  • RCN

    Flames fans arent as obnoxious as say, Canucks fans. Ill give Flamers credit on thing, their team was good once and they have won a championship. UNLIKE VANCOUVER. But Flamer fans, understand this. We have 5 stanley cups, we retire more numbers because *gasp* we have more hall of fame players than you did, you cant give us greif for living the past while spouting your 89 championship or 04 cup run.

    And for god sakes Flamer fans, learn what being offside is, learn that between us we won the cup last, and learn the names of more than 3 of your players.

  • RCN

    W.T. wrote:

    W.T. here, all you Oiler fans need to wake up. I drive all across North America and listen to my sat. radio. I encourage all of you to take time to listen to other city sports shows and listen to what they say about the Oilers when they play. They are a joke around the NHL. Everyone thought Brian B. was crazy to say what he said about Lowe but when you listen to other cities, they agree with what Burke said and call Lowe “out of touch” with the real NHL. The local media suggest MacT is a great coach and would be picked up in a minute if released by the Oilers. Dudes, listen to what other cities are saying, they want MacT to stay cause the Oilers are easy picking. They suggest outside of Hemsky, Sourey and Roli, the Oilers have nothing. Do they have a first line center? Do they have a second line, the only true second liner they have is Cole and W.T. suggests he wants out as he will not sign with Oilers after this year. Why you ask? W.T. insists Oilers are no longer a winning organization, just ask other city sports reporters. Maybe Edm radio stations should have guests on from these other cities who call it like it is, ie. Bryan Hall types. They are a dime a dozen here in the good old USA.
    W.T. says when he listens to trade talks and who the Oilers want, you have to remember the other team in the trade must want an Oiler player. Who do other teams want other than the 4 people W.T. has mentioned in this article, no one. Oh sure, you can make up any story you want, but look at the facts.
    W.T. has to get back on the road but please Edmonton fans, widen your scope of interest.

    WOW!! WOW!! WOW!! ! mabey you should stick to listening to your sat radio. The only people that think The oilers are a joke are People that OBIOUSLY DONT CARE ABOUT THE OIL!! So why would i give two shits about what they think..Get a life dude . I know why you Ab. your name .. It is a lot of typing when you want to write W-aste of T-ime.which is what your opionion is.. to me anyways. And as for our local radio stations. the one I listen to has great interviews and logical opionions..from all over the N.H.L so mabey you should tune in between 3:00 and 6:00 monday to friday on Am 1260 and learn somthing jackass!! I would respond to your other comments but ….thier a W.T in my mind

  • RCN

    TonyT wrote:

    Because of this article are we going to have to endure Flames fans post on here all the time? Especially, when to post on flamesnation.com you have to sign up for an account.

    I believe the sister site is at flamesnation.ca and as far as I know, you don't have to sign up for anything…just like here.

  • RCN

    @ The Towel Boy:
    My bad on my post, I tried posting on their site when they first started up and was met by some registration jargon which I failed to follow up. My point still stays the same though, Flames suck, FMNF!

  • RCN

    Robin B wrote:

    Pehaps the King of Dodge, as Howard liks to call himself when he’s flogging poorly made cars in Kileen, Texas, would like some more . . .

    His FaceBook page pretty much says it all. It would make a great case study for a psychology master's thesis.

  • RCN

    W.T. wrote:

    W.T.welcomes all the great comments. W.T. is hearing Edmonton and Atlanta are talking, maybe Kovalchuk and Reasnor(aka Sakic according to MacT)for Horcoff,Smid and Nilsson

    W.T. wrote:

    W.T.welcomes all the great comments. W.T. is hearing Edmonton and Atlanta are talking, maybe Kovalchuk and Reasnor(aka Sakic according to MacT)for Horcoff,Smid and Nilsson

    You must of heard that on the AtlantaNation Site ..lol..Where did you heaar that