Assorted thinks

assorted_donuts

There ain’t a whole lot going on right now that we can get excited about these days. We regularly consider moving to Dubai when the Oilers miss the playoffs and this time of the year is the absolute worst. Everyone and their dog is enjoying playoff hockey right now it seems, everyone except the only team of any real global importance that is. But life goes on … by ragging on other fans. It’s all we have these days Nation.

Assorted haterade

canucksfans

What a week for Canucks fans. First 4/20 and now a series sweep. It’s basically hippie Christmas. But we bet you would trade it all for legalized marijuana and for your girlfriend to run a razor over her legs once in a blue moon. Wouldn’t you — you hippie bastards? Ah what’s the point? No one in a Canucks jersey is even awake before noon today including our hippie brother in VAN who texted us “wooooo!” at 3:56 AM last night.

Thanks bro.
You dink.

Assorted questions

  1. Remember Craig MacTavish? Hint: He has a full and lush head of hair and used to stand beside Craig Simpson on the bench. Yeah, him. Uh — where is, he exactly? Doesn’t he want to talk about his 82 years behind the bench? We want to hear him talk and we also think the Oil should retire his number eventually. Yeah we said it. So what?
  2. Who exactly is going to take the reins and become the new Coach of the Oil? Every day that there is no announcement tells us the Oil are waiting for a certain Eastern Conference Team to exit the playoffs so they can talk to their current head coach. Maybe a team that was once referred to by a former Captain of the Oilers as being a “Mickey Mouse organization?” Maybe a team that rhymes with the Rew Rersey Revils? Yes? No?
  3. Isn’t it great how bad the Flames are doing? Yeah, that’s some sweet street justice. Rene Bourque has been your best player. That’s just great.
  4. Speaking of high-larious things in VAN — how fantastic is that Sundin signing looking right about now? Imagine VAN had spent the money on good players? hahahaha

Assorted draft stuff

hudsonsadbannersmall

1039 entries in the NationDrafts.com playoff pool? Uh what? That is about 1038 more entries than we expected to receive. It’s game time now — believe that. You know that we are waiting to strike, tucked comfortably back in 532nd place with our team of world beaters called Oilers Forever? That question mark at the end is a typo of course, the Oilers will exist forever and we will be with them till the very end.

Regardless of how good they are.
24/7.
Even though they currently blow.

But Oilers Forever? – that team is poised to S-T-R-I-K-E. Not a single St Louis Blue on the roster:

draftstandings04222009

Sammy Pahlsson could get a point any day now. That wouldn’t hurt our feelings you cold Euro bastard. Nash? We seem to recall predicting you would get smushed. Dang. Take a look at the following hilarious people and their position in the draft:

Jason Gregor – Team Name: Jason Gregor (clever) – 466th place.
OilersNinja – Team Name: Phone basher – 773rd place.

Who the hell is everyone else? We can only see team names and can’t identify any of the team GMs by many of the team names. We certainly don’t know who hockeynut is, nor can we see his/her/it’s team. But we do know that:

  1. He/she/it is definitely in first place as of 04/22/2009
  2. There are a few minor tweaks needing to be done to the draft before it is perfecto.
  3. Whoever wins the $1000 is going to be buried under 1,204,598 emails from yours truly asking when we are going for a free beer.

We need to figure out a way to be able to see who everyone picked in the draft.

*wanders off to find someone smarter than him. Notes that this shouldn’t take long*

  • @ topshelf:
    how bout Keenan accusing Burrish of making Racist Remarks? How classy of the Calgary head coach to falsely accuse people of being biggots in order to get more calls go his way in game 4. What a jack-@ss

  • I cannot wait to hear Pierre Mcguire crying and bitching about the treatment that Jarome "baby piss pants" Iginla receives from the Hawks tonite. For as much as I hate Mcguire he did have my laughing my ass off on Monday night when he used the phrase "sucking dirty pond water" when referring to a tired player on the ice. That guy is too much some times.

  • Watching OTHER franchises compete for the elusive Stanely Cup has filled me with so much rage I spent the better part of yesterday trying to convince OILER FANS that we have the absolute worst group of forwards in the league… Then I spent this morning apologizing for this… Tonight, I will spend my entire evening cheering for every single other team to somehow lose…

  • baggedmilk wrote:

    *flips through Humpty Dumpty pop up book again*

    loved that book. Every time i open that last page i weep. It's ok Humpty, now that the US is allowing stem cell research to be funded, maybe one day you WILL be put together again. Unless your yolk is the source of the embryonic stem cells, then your done for.

  • Oh yeah…and Towel Boy's Boys are right straight middle of the pack in the nationdraft…just hanging back there…14 points back…waiting to pounce. Keep your head on a swivel hockeynut.

  • Archaeologuy wrote:

    Now I’m wandering the streets of Oilersnation like Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. It’s Lord of the Flies out here and were looking for that fat kid with the glasses.

    Look at the brain on this guy… He's reading books that have actual words in them.

    *flips through Humpty Dumpty pop up book again*

  • I get by thanks to my hatred of the Flamers and Canucks.

    If the Hawks win the series I will be over the moon. I also note with some satisfaction that Flames fans suck. Midway through game three they were all sitting on their hands in their silly red jerseys. Sure, when their team scores they clap politely and all, but even Flames fans acknowledge they can't keep up to the noise and pandamonium at Rexall during a playoff game. They don't realize, as Edmonton fans do that you can actually make your team win a game if you scream loud enough.

    Its harder to take any solace from the 'Nucks. I can take some from headlines like this: http://slam.canoe.ca/Slam/Hockey/NHL/Playoffs/Vancouver/2009/04/22/9202196-sun.html
    wherein Terry Jones, (who ate his way out of Edmonton) declares the 'Nucks as "Cup Contenders". I guess he technically is right, they still are in the playoffs. But I see real opportunity here. Canucks fans will get sucked into believing this is THE year. They will of course then suffer real heartbreak equivalent to the ugliness of those yellow and black jerseys. The true despair that all those who have cheered for Matt Cooke, Todd Bertuzzi, and the Sedins deserve to suffer.

    I think I am dealing with my non-playoff disappointment quite well, thanks.

  • No word yet from Tambo who said he would address the asst. coaches near the end of 2 weeks ago. I wonder if he will keep that great goaltender coach Pete (redlite) Peters, who did an EXCELENT job in all our goaltending prospects like Desjarlais, Dubnyik, Garon. Was Roli Poli Zoli older than Peters?

  • Ragging on fans is all i have left Wanye. The hockey gods have abandoned Oilerville and all rule of law has gone with them. Now I'm wandering the streets of Oilersnation like Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. It's Lord of the Flies out here and were looking for that fat kid with the glasses.

  • My Green Tea Baggers are 315th right now. Thorton has been invisible until last night…

    Yeah, I should be studying for exams…But this is more important!

    By the way, this is my first draft, ever. I also spent more time thinking about my team name than my picks, so I'm too worried about place.

  • Even better than the Flames sucking the meat pipe is the Canadians preparing to get the broom tonight. 100th season? Pfft… Get out of here. Somewhere Guy Carbonneau adds another pin into the Bob Gainey voodoo doll, and Carey Price cries into his pillow for the 100th straight night.