Ah the Superbowl. Even if you don’t care for the American Football, it is a day celebrated in most civilized countries in the world where you can eat like the fattest American, drink like the drunkenest rummy and make believe that you have been cheering for the New Orleans Saints the entire season.
Bandwagon jumping is actually acceptable on Superbowl Sunday, as opposed to during NHL playoffs when bandwagon jumpers should be drawn and quartered upon sight.
Yes, for the one-day-per-year-NFL-fan, Reggie Bush is your new best friend, Peyton Manning is so totally better than Tom Brady and you can’t even believe that it has been three years since the last time the Colts won the big one.
Tomorrow you will most likely have heart burn so severe that you are unable to even see a Dorito without shedding a couple tears and wonder what possessed you to crush two whole bags of sweet chili heat Doritos. Those are problems for tomorrow Nation, save the good times for today.
For the first time in recorded history, Wanye Manor is the proud host of our annual Superbowl party. We have bought enough beer to take down an elephant, have cut enough cheese slices from here to eternity and are currently working our way through the mess of the Manor to be able to make it presentable enough to host guests that might be offended by a half eaten cheese pizza in a box that was found under a winter coat on the floor by the back door.*
In an attempt to hook up all citizens of the Nation who will be attending similar parties, hitting up a local watering hole or are just sitting down with their better half to watch the game, we present you with a quick Superbowl Bandwagon Jumping Cheat Sheet – that if repreated will make you look as though you are the most dedicated NFL fan around.
You’re welcome Nation.
*actually happened today
FACT 1: WHO DAT BATTLE
The big saying in New Orleans is "who dat." As in "who dat team going to the Superbowl?" "Who dat just scored a touchdown?" or "Who dat sports league trying to muscle in on a trademark that has been a common saying in New Orleans for almost 50 years?"
Apparently the NFL is trying to muscle local shops in New Orleans out of the Who Dat business and they aren’t taking it lying down. We can totally see the NFL’s point here. It isn’t as though the small businessman in New Orleans hasn’t been through enough of late – what with a massive flood and over half of the City moving away and all.
The game has been waaaaaay to easy for those small businesses to make a living and we for one salute the billion dollar NFL Corporation for sending cease and desist letters to Louisianian businesses demanding them to stop using Who Dat – something that the NFL have failed in attempting to copyright and have been only able to get the courts to agree shouldn’t share a tshirt with a golden fleur de lis.
You know, the very same fleur de lis that has been a dominant symbol of the French Culture for nearly 400 years and isn’t even close to being the property of the NFL either.
Oh NFL. Who dat bein’ so greedy den?
FACT 2: THE PAIN OF ARCHIE MANNING
The father of Colts quarterback Peyton Manning is Archie Manning. The fine city of New Orleans is often referred to as "Archie’s Town" on account of the 12 terrible – but hero building -seasons the Quarterback of the Saints and the Citizens of New Orleans shared back in the day. Archie Manning is basically the Ambassador of New Orleans and must be conflicted to say the least as his eldest son suits up against his beloved Saints in the Superbowl.
It’s a good thing that Peyton is only one of Archie’s Superbowl winning Quarter Back sons and that he can always fall back on loving Eli – who would never have the audacity to face Archie’s team in the Big Game.
Oh Archie Manning – who dat so torn watching the game?
FACT 3: PEYTON NEEDS THIS BAD
If Peyton wants to have any success chasing Tom Brady for the biggest superstud QB of all time, he needs this game to put the hammer down and close the gap between the two. Brady has 3 Superbowls, a love child with Bridget Moynahan and is currently knocking boots with Giselle Bundchen. Peyton Manning has one Superbowl ring and a series of funny ads where he shows he can be funny.
History is on Manning’s side today though as when the Colts won the Superbowl three years ago it was also in Miami as it is today, so maybe Peyton can make it happen two time.
Oh Peyton Manning – who dat needin’ to win today to keep up wit de Joneses?
New Orleans 35 – Indianapolis 24.