Darryl Sutter, FJM

(Please welcome the Nation’s newest contributor, AZR from the snarkiest Flames-focused site on the web, Domebeers!)

The article in question.

Vicki Hall is normal, AZR from Domebeers.com is in italics.

Darryl Sutter received a vote of confidence last week from his boss, Ken King.

Not really. Mr. King didn’t want questions like “Why are the Flames still allowing some inbred hick to run their hockey operations?” ruining his outdoor game press conference. Ergo, the announcement.

The pronouncement from the team president apparently meant little to the embattled general manager of the Calgary Flames.

Whoa, now, girl. Why are you using big words like ‘pronouncement’, ‘apparently’, and ‘embattled’ for? You know Darryl won’t know what that sentence means when he reads it. Ha, what am I talking about? Darryl being able to read! Good one!

“Ken came out and said that, but it wasn’t important for me to have that publicly,” Sutter said Monday before embarking for the National Hockey League general manager meetings. “It’s more important what happens internally.”

Somewhere, out in the great, vast universe, there is a sex/foreplay joke just sitting on a shelf, waiting to be broken out on that sentence. ‘Ken came out’, ‘publicly’, and ‘important what happens internally’. This is a family site. You connect the dots.

And just what is happening internally over at the Saddledome as the Flames wrap up their post-mortem of a season gone wrong and prepare for the upcoming NHL Entry Draft?

Is it seppuku (the ancient samurai custom of disemboweling those who bring dishonor to the clan)? I hope it’s seppuku.  

“We were all disappointed that we didn’t make the playoffs,” Sutter said. “We had a better record than Philadelphia or Montreal. We could just as easily be sitting here talking and be in the same situation as Philadelphia.”

Wow. After reading that, it is clear that it should have been seppuku. If this was appearing on Domebeers.com, the following paragraph would be full of invective directed at an apparent mental handicap with an inability to read a map. F bombs about how only an idiot would say something like ‘if only we played in the East’ out loud, to a newspaper reporter, in a piece designed to calm down a fan base who are concerned that said idiot would (still) be the general manager of their beloved franchise. I mean, either Darryl is a kook or he thinks we are stupid. A quick look at the Flyer roster reveals the following: 7 players on their roster had at least 40 points in the regular season (you know, the one Darryl claims doesn’t matter at all) while the Flames had…4. And two of those four were Stajan and Hagman. But yeah, if you drink enough whiskey and get into that Darryl Sutter headspace, I suppose you could squint hard enough and come away with ‘the Flames are just like Philadelphia’. I mean, squint real hard. Harder. You can’t see it? You’re doing it wrong.

Philadelphia, of course, is playing for a Stanley Cup against the Chicago Blackhawks.

Philadelphia, of course, is 3226.5 KM’s away from Calgary, Darryl. When you discover a way to move the City of Calgary 3226 KM to the east, I will be more than happy to listen to your “If only we played in the east’ argument. Until then, keep your whiny self pity to yourself. Or you could wake up and realize that you are in over your head and quit. I wouldn’t hate that.

“If you make the playoffs, it’s anybody’s game,” Sutter said. “That’s what the cap is about. There’s a fine line between being a playoff team and not being one.”

Is anyone else feeling a little nauseous after being lectured by Darryl Sutter on ‘what the cap is about’? Uhh, Darryl, you remember the end of the 08-09 season, don’t you? It’s pretty clear Darryl doesn’t know what the cap is about. I would appreciate him not to claim otherwise.

Flames fans, as a whole, are a despondent bunch these days due to the failure of their team to qualify for the 2010 Stanley Cup playoffs.

All those people jumping into the Bow…it’s your fault, Darryl! I don’t know, Vicki. I think we are despondent because Lanny MacDonald isn’t running this team yet. I think we are despondent because of Kotalik, Stajan, and Staios. I think we are despondent because, with Darryl at the helm, the last of the Seaman’s is going to die before we win another cup.

Some Calgary supporters demanded that everyone with the last name of Sutter be fired. Others wanted Captain Jarome Iginla, 32, shipped off to restock the talent cupboard with young studs.

Jarome Iginla is still on this team? He didn’t retire in March? I don’t believe you.

“For us being a playoff team every year, everybody started taking it for granted a little bit,” Sutter said. “It’s not that simple.”

Finally, Sutter gets real. It isn’t his fault that he mismanaged this team into a 10th place finish. No, actually, it is your fault, fans. You fans are so, so stupid. You don’t know anything about hockey. Do you guys even own a pair of skates? God, I can’t believe you fans would trade Dion for all the Maple on the Leafs. Then those idiot fans traded Joker for 3 years of Kotalik at 3 million dollars per. I agree with Darryl on this one. How is the man supposed to run a franchise when you fans keep screwing up like this?  

Once considered untouchable in this town, Sutter has absorbed a barrage of media criticism over everything from his management style to the dearth of prospects on the farm team.

That’s cute, Vicki. A barrage of media criticism? Is FlamesNation part of the media, now? Is Domebeers.com a source for the Canadian Press? I don’t think one week of articles complaining about their treatment at one press conference constitutes ‘a barrage of media criticism’ so much as it looks like sour grapes on the part of ‘the media’. Have you ever read the NY Post after A-Rod flies out against Baltimore? That is what ‘a barrage of media criticism’ looks like, Ms. Hall.

Not that he’s complaining.

Oh right, we are here to make fun of the ‘smells heavily of rum’ rancher.

“It’s pretty typical in pro sport that that happens,” Sutter said of the negative press.”Expectations are real high if you have a good team and star players.

That is one big fat SIC on that last sentence. A backward quotation mark in front of the word ‘expectations’ and then no corresponding quotation mark at the end of sentence? You are a freaking newspaper, Herald. Tsk-tsk. Wait, did Darryl just try to sneak through ‘we have a good team’? Yep, a quick check of the standings show us sitting comfortably in a playoff spot at 10th place. Real good team.

“Because of the star players we have, I don’t have a problem with the opinions.”

This sentence explains all that is wrong with the Flames. We have a GM who believes that our roster is full of star players. Star players like Jay ‘-4’ Bouwmeester. In fact, there has probably never been a team in the history of sporting sport that has as many bona fide Hall of Famers on it as the 09-10 version of the Calgary Flames. Who finished in 10th. Behind the Blues.

Sutter’s future dominated water cooler chatter for the past six weeks in this hockey-mad metropolis — until King put a stop to it last week.

For about one minute. What is the Over/Under on how many loses into next season it takes for the ‘Fire Darryl’ meme to return? 3?

“We didn’t want that to be a distraction,” Sutter said. “You have timelines from a business standpoint, and you need to move forward for the best interests of the organization.”

If Darryl has the best interests of the organization at heart, how do you explain Matt Stajan?

Moving forward, King said he plans to hire one or two assistants to help Sutter in hockey operations.

You know, Darryl can’t be expected to fetch his coffee himself, can he? Also, dry cleaning can be a real hassle. He will need someone to do that for him, too.

“Clearly, it’s something we’ve talked about the last couple of years,” Sutter said. “Now it becomes more magnified because we weren’t a playoff team.

That should read: I was forced to hire a babysitter for…myself.

“It’s really difficult to do all the contract work and all the hockey work primarily on your own … If it takes adding more manpower, then that’s what you do.

Another SIC for the lack of quotation marks at the end of the sentence. And the Herald is more of a newspaper than the Sun? Also, Darryl just threw Michael Holditch, the current Flames assistant GM, under the bus.  

“We talked about it last summer, and there ended up being a coaching change. We probably should have dealt with it then. We’ll deal with it now.”

What the hell is this sentence suppose to mean? They talked about getting Darryl help last year, and the coach was fired? I’m not a big Keenan guy, but it appears the organization fired the wrong guy.

Kelly Kisio, general manager of the consistently successful Calgary Hitmen, is rumoured as a top candidate to move to the big club. But the hiring process will be conducted, Sutter said, in a cautious, thorough manner.

I.E.: Anybody that has the abilities and qualifications necessary to be an NHL GM, and thus threaten Sutter’s job, will not be hired.

“It’s going to take time,” he said. “There’s a lot of people who are perceived as qualified, but they have to be the right fit, they have to be qualified and they have to want to do it.

I would have bet my house that Darryl didn’t know any words longer than 2 syllables, and yet there he is, breaking out ‘perceived’. Who knew?

“It has to be the right fit.”

It has to be a ‘yes-man’.

King also made a point last week of extinguishing Iginla trade rumours by saying the captain is going nowhere.

Again, he is still here? Was I the only one who was confused on this? The score sheet says he got no points at all in the last 5 games of the season. I was sure that was a typo, and that the captain didn’t get going when the going got tough.

Sutter expects a rebound season from No. 12.

Sutter expects a 33 year old Iginla to outperform the 28 year old Iginla. Ladies and gentlemen, that statement makes my brain hurt.

“He’s had two years when you can say the numbers are down,” Sutter said. “He would be the first one to tell you he was disappointed in his level of offence last year. I’m sure he will regain it next year.”

Flames fans everywhere, take heart. Sutter ‘is sure’ Jarome will rebound next year. That’s right, the same guy who thought adding Kotalik was a good idea, and who thought Higgins was a legit 20 goal guy, and who traded for notoriously tough to play against Matt Stajan, thinks Jarome will rebound. Bet the wife and kids on it.

Another topic of consternation around town involves defenceman Ian White, a pending restricted free agent.

Vicki, we have gone over this. Consternation? Darryl thinks consternation is what happens to him when he eats too much wheat.

“We have his rights for one more year either through arbitration or actual negotiation,” Sutter said. “That’s something we’ll work on in the next month.”

So there it is. Expect the announcement of White’s new 30 million dollar, 10 year contract, which includes a full No Trade Clause, any moment now.

Also on the docket is the future of Eric Nystrom, who is eligible for unrestricted free agency on July 1.

Eric Nystrom, who has 39 points in his entire NHL career, is one of those ‘star players’ on the roster that Darryl was talking about earlier. Why negotiate with White when we have to get Nystrom back into the fold?

“I wanted him to get back from the world championships,” Sutter said.

Where he led the American squad to a 13th place finish.

“I spoke to him on Thursday. He’s back in the U.S. We have to work at it."

It sounds like Eric Nystrom just broke up with the Calgary Flames. Over the phone, Eric? Real classy.

“We didn’t make the playoffs, so we’re going to look at different areas where we think we can upgrade or how we can upgrade, whether it’s through the free agent market or our own unrestricted guys.”

I don’t see how you can upgrade a squad that missed the playoffs by bringing back players who were not good enough to get the team into the playoffs in the first place. But then again, I’m not a NHL visionary, like Darryl. Or as drunk.

Overall, Sutter has a simple message for fans concerned for the future of the Flames.

Fingers crossed, he is going to announce his retirement…

“We’ve got a good team,” he said. “We just have to fill in some blanks and move forward again.

SIC again! What is so hard about proper use of quotation marks? AND WHY WON’T YOU QUIT, DARRYL?

“We just need to reload.”

Famous last words.

NOTES: The Flames have signed overage junior defenceman Christopher Breen of the Peterborough Petes.

The Peterborough Petes? Isn’t that where Loubardias was spawned from?

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

  • Who finished in 10th. Behind the Blues.

    way to sum up the current state of affairs in seven words.

    that’s about all i have to say on this article. aside from what i already said over at mine, of course, which sums my opinion up very nicely.

  • Thank you!

    I just finished reading this while sitting at the airport and I was laughing so hard people were staring!

    Your commentary on that article was what I was thinking as a read it but exaggerated a lot. It was fantastic!

  • Gazza

    Terrible article. I have no issue with bashing the current general manager, however, this article provided zero insight or analysis. All other contributors to Flamesnation provide great insight and statistical analysis to back up the point they are making. This was a waste of my time and yours if you have made it this far through the article. Get back to posting legitimate articles surrounding the current plight that the Flames organization finds itself in. Bash Darryl and the current regime all you want, but provide the readers with some actual arguments to back it up.

    • Section 216

      Way to sum it up except of the Terrible part it wasn’t bad it just didn’t provide enough insight like you said.

      But nice to have you as a contributor DB I love the stuff at your site.

  • Section 216

    I read Kissing Suzy Kobler where they break down Peter King’s NFL column each week in this same format, and I must say I enjoyed it.

    I liked the “Darryl is a drunk” references. Because it makes sense now when he starts talking. He sounds like I do after a night trying to pick up high school girls at random Calgary bars.

    Well done.

  • I like how buddy up there brought up KSK. Good source of inspiration. They have several great features that entertain the masses. What FlamesNation needs next is a mailbag and some ‘dialogues’ between ‘actual Flames players’ and this humble site will get more hits than brazzers.com!

  • Hope the next article is better than this one. Maybe you were trying too hard to make a splash with your first contribution but it definitely fell short.

    I hope Daz does something big, or something at all soon so there is something else to talk about because bashing the GM over and over and over again is starting to get tired. As a fan of this team last season sucked, and most of the criticism was well deserved but I want to start looking forward to something for next year.

    Can we have a non sky-is-falling piece?

    • Oyo

      omg! finally shaun someone else that isnt a hate the world type.

      i read in the other article a mere hope (haha) to trade regher for jordan stall? doubtful but still fun

      • i read in the other article a mere hope (haha) to trade regher for jordan stall? doubtful but still fun

        1. while the verb is spelled “stall,” if you’re talking about eric, marc, jordan, or jared then it’s spelled “staal.”

        2. i don’t see the point in perpetuating regehr-for-jordan stAAL trade rumours. if you’re into discussing unicorns and centaurs then think big: i’m hearing really serious rumblings about a staios and kotalik for ovechkin deal in the works…. !!

  • Way to take the website into the gutter. I used to read it for the insightful comments.

    What a bunch of rubbish-poorly written, lacking any insight. I think you need some sort of filter to weed out this type of jibberish.
    Waste of time!

  • One thing to note is that I haven’t seen this many commenters on many other posts. Like it or not but you’re reading it. I’m a DB fan but I’ll agree that this one may have been a little too long for my liking.

  • after letting myself cool down and read this again. I still think its utter garbage, this long winded PMS of a post is just terrible. Bash the GM all you want let him drag the team into the dirt with him ruin the franchise whatever the fact is if he messes up again hes gone and if you can’t wait one season just go follow some other team. I have had to put up being out of the playoffs for years and all you new band wagon 04 fans are calling for heads to be cut off at the first failed season. Its not like the team was playing their best hockey either. Just relax and don’t resort to spewing this diarrhea all over my computer screen.

    • Gazza

      if you can’t wait one season just go follow some other team.

      ….SORRY ??!?!
      dude, you can react to stuff however you want but to ME (and domebeers among others), darryl should’ve gotten his walking papers when he spent to the cap in 08/09 and the team was forced to play 15 skaters in the season’s last games (thereby knocking them out of first in the NW and matching them against chicago in the first round). i’ve said it before: this past year was his mulligan year, and he buggered up again with the kotalik deal, the staios trade, making jokinen and prust play a game when they knew they’d get traded immediately afterwards etc. etc. etc. etc. etc….

      you don’t get a do-over on a mulligan. admit it: 09/10 was not darryl’s “first failed season.”

      shall we have this conversation again next summer ?

  • Oyo

    haha im having fun. my bad for hitting a double “l” instead of “a”.
    im not saying its going to happen aka the words “hope” and doubtful” would suggest.

    but geez man take it easy on the spelling. i have better things to do then spell check a forum post

  • Oyo

    and the team was forced to play 15 skaters in the season’s last games (thereby knocking them out of first in the NW and matching them against chicago in the first round).

    Try to get over that one-to my recollection they won that game. can’t believe this keeps being brought up-many coaches play their 4th liners 1 to 2 minutes so that was a non factor.

    By the way if you check 15 teams paid out cap $ to players not even playing for the team anymore.

    • Gazza

      Try to get over that one-to my recollection they won that game.

      um. there were FIVE shorthanded games, of which yes, we won one:

      apr 3 v. MIN (4-0 loss, dressed 10 fwds)
      apr 6 v. LA (4-1 loss, dressed 11 fwds)
      apr 7 v. VAN (4-1 loss, dressed 11 fwds)
      apr 10 v. EDM (5-1 loss, dressed 9 fwds)
      apr 11 v EDM (4-1 win, dressed 9 fwds)

      also, kindly recall the smoking gun: matt pelech played five of the above games and john negrin played 3, while anders eriksson (who was recalled for the ENTIRE CHICAGO SERIES, and therefore considered preferential) was left in abbotsford. this is proof positive that the problem was cap mismanagement and lack of reserve $$ for injury replacement players. that is a darryl sutter problem.

      i will get over it when he’s no longer in charge of my team, thank you very much.

        • Gazza

          And Darryl blames the media and fans for not understanding the cap?!

          i did a little research at the end of last year in attempt to understand it. not to self-promote but i think this is a very important read for anyone who’s on the fence about darryl sutter. i’m confident it’s on the right track because a dude i went to uni with is pretty high up in the NHLPA (ie: you’ve read his name) couldn’t legally comment, but essentially told me he was surprised by my insight.

  • Bob Cobb

    “Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.”

    That may be the first complete sentence I’ve read at Flamesnation that I completely agree with. The guy sucks, holy hell, his voice is so high I think it could rival the pitch of a dog whistle.