Oiler Observations

EDMONTON, CANADA - MARCH 5: Mike Comrie #91, Jason Strudwick#43, Gilbert Brule #67, Jeff Deslauriers #38, Shawn Horcoff #10 of the Edmonton Oilers celebrates against the Minnesota Wild on March 5, 2010 at Rexall Place in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. (Photo by Dale MacMillan/Getty Images)


Flames fans these days are a nervous bunch. With all the movement and shakeups that the organization has gone through in the recent months, it’s certainly an understandable mindset to have. They just don’t know what to expect out of their team. In this turbulent time of trouble, some Flame fans have even expressed the blasphemy that the hated, vile rivals to the north, the Oilers, may finish higher than the Flames.

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Well Flames fan, Domebeers.com, in the interest of you all, has commissioned a report, a prospectus if you will, on the Edmonsuck Coilers. Our crack team of researchers and Dick Tracey’s have managed to unearth some very important information, information that should calm all Flame fans everywhere; Information pertaining to why the Oilers will continue to stink. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, we will present just some of the reasons. If we were to go through all of them, we’d have our fingers fall off.

1: Ownership

The Oilers were, once upon a time, owned by the people of Edmonton. The community owned Oilers were an immense source of pride for the City of Champions. Then they ran out of money, and had to sell their team to a drug dealer. Katz isn’t stupid. He knows the more the Oil suck, the more unbearable an existence in Edmonton becomes. This will mean more and more prescription drug and pain killer sales, as the people from Edmonton fight desperately to forget they are people from Edmonton. As they become more and more drugged out, they will forget how much the Oil suck, so they will buy tickets to Oiler games and re-witness the suck, which will lead to them doing more drugs. It’s a vicious cycle. A profitable one for Mr. Katz, but a vicious one nonetheless.

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2: Taylor Hall

Taylor Hall? The #1 pick in the draft? Why would he contribute to the Oilers continued slide into irrevelency? That’s a good question. The answer, of course, is that Hall is this generations Eric Lindros. Hall is big and skilled, but just not quite fast enough to avoid hits in the NHL, and not quite smart enough to avoid them. How do we know that about a player who hasn’t played a game in the NHL? Because Hall wasn’t fast enough, or smart enough, to avoid them in OHL. OUCH! As fans of the Flames, we have no problem with the Oilers building their franchise around a living, breathing, concussion study.

3: Jordan Eberle

When the Oilers lost out on acquiring Jay Bouwmeester last year, many in Edmonton were left wondering: Who on the team is going to get obnoxiously drunk before big games? Well, the answer to that is of course Jordan Eberle. Eberle was a team leader on the notoriously loaded (double entendre people!) Regina Pats.  And if the kid could barely tolerate the boring tedium of Regina, what do you think he is going to get up to in the lifeless, moth-eaten provincial capital?

4: Sheldon Souray

Aww, Sheldon Souray. This guy is so soft the only fights he picks are with his wife. Actually, that isn’t true. We would be remised if we didn’t acknowledge he also likes to fight management, and lose fights to Iggy. The guy demands a trade because he hates the city more than Lauren Pronger does, and the Oiler management refuses to trade him because they have to show who is boss. What could possibly go wrong with this situation? What could possibly go wrong with building your defence around a man who leads the league in manicures and pedicures?

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5: Dustin Penner

Dustin Penner, the great fat hope. This guy is such a colossal bust, he gets hour long TSN specials produced about him whenever he actually gives 100% effort in a game, because it is just such a rare event. But the thing is everyone in Edmonton knows Dustin has the tools; he has the focus, work ethic and determination needed to be a champion. It’s just unfortunate he chooses to display these tools at the buffet tables, and not on the ice. If we were Oiler fans (we’d kill ourselves) we’d just be happy if he showed up to training camp weighing less than 300 pounds.

6: Steve Staios

Is Steve Staios the worst hockey player in the division, the conference, or the league? It’s a tough choice to make, almost as tough as having to pay the AHL’s 50th best defenceman $2.7 million dollars to get scored on by 4th liners. On a one way contract, no less. It’s absolutely insane that in today’s NHL, with its focus on speed and skill and cap management, that anybody would keep this fossil on their roster. What are the Oilers thinking? Because if you have Staios on your roster, it obviously isn’t ‘winning’. That’s just a few of the reasons we managed to unearth. There’s more, we know. Leave any you think we should have mentioned in the comments. (Hey! I thought this was an article bashing Edmonton – ed.)

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Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

  • Great read, I like your sarcasm. You sound pretty jealous if you ask me ( which you didn’t). Let’s come up with some real reasons, they will be playing rookies and rebuilding. We have to wonder if Hall will be the next great, you guys worry about signing Connroy.Dustin Penner scored as many as Iggy, but he is no good?

    Like last season neither team will make the playoffs and the Oilers will score more goals than the flames. Thank god you guys got Jay Bo he was great last season. The reason the Flames will not make the playoffs. Losing 8 games to the Oilers. Having only one actual top 6 forward. A weak tender and brutal coach and GM ( it’s like they are related ).

    Calgary can attract so many free agents but instead get former players that either sucked before or do now. Souray is a bum and did you watch his fight vs Iggy seemed like souray throw the hardest punch while Iginla looked for another five foot forward to try to fight. How many times have you seen Iginla get mad since the team sucks and be a poor sport and try to start something with the other teams smallest guy.This is why I’m suprised he hasn’t asked to be traded since Calgary has no chance of winning the cup this decade. How many empty netters does that guy score a season ? He is a great player but just a little overrated.

    Good luck with Staios

  • dustin642

    My favorite part was how Katz is really just a drug dealer profiting at both ends of the crap-stick. He really looks like a drug dealer too, or at the very least and heavy heavy drug user. Sure Edmonton has a ton of youngsters like Eberle and Hall and Paarvii-Svenson-Muhasapeenapetelan, but face it Edmonton, IF they all become great players in 3 years, then have fun (over) paying for all that young talent to keep them in that wonderland with a big mall. Or some of them might become busts which at that time you can ship them off for a couple more Sourays, hey Sami Salo might be available by then and he is injured every 12 games, he will fit right in. And whats all this business with Iggy picking on smaller people. Are you sure your not thinking about Kesler/Burrows? Just because our captain is willing to try to spark his team by standing up for them while the Oilers Captain is watching the game from the press box, or the bench (or the waiver wire) is no need to attack him. And only 1 top 6 forward?? Hello!! Ales Kotalik aka the most physical player in the history of frozen water with the leadership of Staios coming in all the way from Abbotsford, we should easily walk away with 12 more points from the Oilers this season again.

  • @dumbeers.com

    Is that what qualifies as smack?

    Reasons the Flames suck,

    Regehr’s head, 0 depth at center, inbreeding, Brian Burke’s sloppy seconds,0 prospects, the roof of your arena is sinking, 0 scoring, Jokinen, Aging roster without prospects


  • Bob


    Congratulations on the probability that you should have a young and exciting team to root for this year. Flames fans may not be so lucky…time will tell.

    Oiler fans and Flames fans have long talked smack and love to rub salt in the wounds when the opposing team has hit a batch of bad luck (or bad coaching, or bad management, etc…)

    Let’s face facts everyone. The battle of Alberta has been lacking for the most part. The lack of meaningful games during the regular season and no play-off meetings since, uh since…someone help me out here, I can’t think that far back.

    I’ll give it to you straight Edmonton. We love the exchange of smack and all, but we haven’t really gotten too excited about games against the Oilers for at least a decade, maybe more. The fact is, for the past 5-6 years most Calgarians say the biggest rival for the Flames are the Vancouver Canucks. In some polls you guys don’t even come in 2nd, Colorado has that spot sometimes. It’s the same in the CFL too. The Labor Day classic is awesome and all, but Stampeder fans think the biggest rivalry going for the Stamps is against the Riders. Sorry, but you guys don’t cut it anymore. But that’s OK. You have Taylor Hall…make sure you keep an eye on him and pray that the powers that be let him mature. He’s a great player, no doubt. But that ego he’s carrying dwarfs the combined arrogance of Brian Burke and Dion Phaneuf. If the Oil can develop players and put out a young energetic team and the Flames turn their fortunes around (good luck trying to change Sutter’s mind on how to build a team…talking to you Mr. Feaster) then who knows…maybe in 4-5 years the Battle of Alberta will have the same type of meaning it did in the 80’s. But I’m not holding my breath.

  • Meanwhile, everyone outside of Edmonton and Calgary continues to snicker as both of the province’s largest cities snipe at one another.

    One’s a cowtown that’s all-hat and no-horse (especially in mid-July). The other’s a capital city with an inferiority complex over the cowtown.

    Sometimes, picking a side to root for in the endless Calgary/Edmonton debate is sort of like choosing between Iran and Iraq when they used to fight each other tooth-and-nail in the 1970s and 1980s. As Henry Kissinger famously said, after he was asked which country he hoped would win: “Can’t both sides lose?”

    Anyway, from up here in the north, this rant from, uh, Domebeers, appears to be nothing more than a pitiful attempt to deflect attention from what’s been a rather pitiable summer in the City of Cows.

    That’s your right, of course. But even a Leaf fan (gasp!) could recognize which organization is in better shape, in terms of stage-of-rebuild, right now. And that’s the team in the (780).

    This is despite the fact that you’d have to be a damn fool if you think the Oilers will finish ahead of the Flames next season. Of course they won’t. The Oilers are gonna be a team of children. Kids.

    But here’s the problem the Flames (and their fans) have to deal with: Right now, the Flames are the Oilers, circa 1999 or 2000 or so.

    Think about it.

    The Oilers of the late-1990s and the Flames of now are eerily similar. Both have a couple of all-world forwards (Weight, Iginla). Both have up-and-coming snipers (Smyth, Bourque). Both have a collection of fairly solid-if-non-descript defencemen (Brewer, Hamrlik, Regehr, Giordano, etc.) Both have world-class-but-aging goaltending (Cujo, Kipper). And on and on it goes.

    Did the Oilers of the late-1990s ever win anything? Nope, it was pretty much an uphill struggle for them to make the playoffs. And, as that team aged, it eventually fell apart because of bad drafting, bad trades and, most importantly, the belief that it was better than it actually was.

    From up here, the similarities between the Oilers of then and the Flames of now is eerie. No one in Calgary seems to be talking about it. No one seems to care. Maybe all-hat and no-horse means you’re pulling your stetsons over your eyes …

    Courage, Calgary. Courage.

  • Bob

    First off; I wouldn’t compare the Oilers of then, with the flames of now. Mainly because the Oilers and the Flames are two completely different organizations. The Flames are profitable, and have strong corporate support. The Oilers don’t. They can’t compete with the rich clubs, that’s why they loose their good players. Nobody want’s to play in Edmonton.

    Secondly; I have to agree with Bob. Most Flames fans hate the Canucks WAY more than the Oilers. The rivalry has shifted. In fact, I cheer for the Oilers whenever they play the Canucks!

    Last but not least; I think everyone needs to take a look at the market right now to explain some of the challenges Sutter has been facing. It seems that he is off his rocker a bit with the moves he has made this year.. but I have two points that might make this mess a little clearer. First point; Phaneuf. Various sources have said that there was a major issue going on with him and Gio. I think that was part of the reason for the collapse in January, and the reason why he was traded in a hurry. The guy is an asshole. Second point; Any GM will tell you that its way more difficult to make trades now with the cap issues and the No movement clauses player have in their contracts. I think Sutter has tried to make moves, but can’t. Anyone wonder why the trade deadline and the draft were so lame this year? All the GM’s are a bit strapped.

    One more point; I think Chicago was freakishly lucky in the draft over the last couple of years. But I don’t think its the only way to become a great team now. Look where they are heading, they’re loosing half the team and now have a bunch of huge contracts. Statistically, only a very small % of players drafted can make the transition to the NHL. I don’t beleive for a second that a player is washed up the minute he turns 30. Give me a break!

  • Bob

    Umm, Scott? You must be relatively new to this board. Those of us in Calgary (and those supporting us from afar) know the situation is not looking very promising. I think you should take the time to read some past posts and the responses that came from them.

    We’ve actually had followers tell some of us that we are too negative (Hiya Kent) in our criticism of the Flames…certain players and certain individuals in management do get the brunt of it.

    I’m surprised you couldn’t hear from Grande Prairie the collective groan we all let out upon hearing the news that Ollie Yourjokinnotagain had been brought back.

    As for all the garbage Edmonton and Calgary throws back and forth at each other, that’s not gonna change. I suggest you just sit back and enjoy the show.

  • Bob

    Yes, this is my first-ever posting Bob and your comments are spot-on.

    But here’s the point I was trying to make in my blathering stream-of-consciousness earlier: If I were a Flames fan – and I’m definitely not – I’m just not sure if I’d be making comparisons between Alberta-based NHL teams right now, in terms of drafting, direction, philosophy, etc. I wouldn’t be sticking my neck out that far in Calgary right now.

    And I say this knowing full well that the Flames are going to finish ahead of the Oil in the standings next year.

  • whoever writes on domebeers.com sounds like a pathetic 7 year old trying to make friends.
    I am a flames fan for life and will stand by my team until the day i die.
    I enjoyed coming to this website to read extra comments from Steinberg- who i greatly respect- but i come across this donkeys website, who just rips into mike richards and the FAN960. How this guy is allowed to post comments on your great website is beyond me? I strongly suggest you look into this deformed monkeys remarks on domebeers.com and ban this reject from your website.

    But thats just me

    keep it real steinberg- love the work you do