Game Numbah 62: You loozahs don’t stand a chance


One thing you hafta undastand about Bawstin is everyone frum heeah is the best evah.

First of all let’s make one thing perfickly cleah, the Bawstin Bruins ah the best team in the NHL. Bah none!

Yah shaw, Mahc Savahd can’t play innymaw cuzza that punk Matt Cooke but the Bruins gut the best cennah depth in the league. They gut Patrice Bergahron… they gut a buncha othah guys too. They ah all unbelievable! And it doesn’t stop theyah.

Bergahron plays with two guys you mighta hurda, Mahk Recchi and Brad Mahshant. Those guys ah probly the two most skilled playahs alive right now. And aftah them thayah’s Millan Lookich and Nate Hawton but not Blake Wheelah any maw cuz Petah Cherelli TRADED HIM AND MAHK STOOIT TO ITLANNA FUH PEANITS! WHAT A MAWRON!

But I guess the good news is the Bruins duhfense is the BEST EVAH! They gut Zdeno Charra, they gut Andrew Ference and they gut THE LONE WOLF ADAM MCQUAID. What moah could you want? Plus Cherelli also traded fuh Thomis Kabahle. He came from Torrono so he’s gutta be a bum, but everyone on NESN says he’s the next comin’ of Bawbby Aw so I gut no idea how good he is.

They say that Kabahle guy is a powah play quahtahback but everyone around heah knows theyah’s only one quahtahback I wanna see out theyah and that’s Tawmmy Brady. He knows how to win champyinsips! He’s gut three rings! Whadda the Bruins have? Nuthin evah since that cheap bum Sinden took ovah! He’s gutta sell the team. Maybe the Red Sawx wanna buy em since they already bought that soccah team Livahpool. They also know howda WIN!

And a course we haven’t even got to tha best paht a the Bruins, the goaltendahs. Tim Thomis is the pruhmeeah netmindah in the spawt a hockey today. And nevah mind that he’s backed up by Tookah Rask who could staht fuh any team in the league RIGHT NOW NO QUESCHIN.

I dunno why Calgry’s even botharin’ showin up fuh this one. The Bruins ah gunna win like fawteen to nothin’. Bergahron’s gunna have six goals an faw assists and be the numbah one stah.

(disclaimer i am from boston and can make jokes like this IT’S NAWT OFFENSIVE! and yes everyone here actually talks like this)