GDB 47.0: Here’s how you know it’s bad

 

(Wanye has instituted a new rule when it comes to BoA’s: winner of the last game gets to write the losers game day post. Naturally I readily agreed because it benefited my side of the conflict. So for those Oilers faithful wondering why a scummy Flames fan is penning your GDB, kindly refer all complaints to Mr. Wanye Gretz III, Esq. – KW) 

Things can’t be easy for the Edmonton Oilers these days.

Everyone is hurt (or at least faking injuries) and Taylor Hall is paying teammates to step on his face, all so they don’t have to play for the Oilers. And really, given how badly things have gone lo these past every-year-since-they-accidentally-made-the-Cup-final, who can blame them?

They’re a bad team with no real future in front of them and it would be too bad if they were at all sympathetic characters, which they are not. By all appearances, they seem destined for yet another 30th-place finish and No. 1 overall pick, which they’ll likely squander as they did the ones for Hall and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins.

But the worst indignity of all, one supposes, is that the Oilers are not only so bad that players are missing three weeks with skinned knees, but rather that they actually give the Calgary Flames someone they can feel superior to. I hope you understand how embarrassing that is. Entering tonight’s game – a tap-in W for the Flames if ever there was one – the visitors had a 12-point lead in the standings over their hosts, which if you’d seen the former play lately, would befuddle you to no end.

And this despite Edmonton starting the season as one of the hottest teams in the league, and Calgary having been sub-mediocre throughout. How depthlessly bad do you have to be to have, at one point, led the Western Conference, only to watch the Flames, who have no players under the age of 46, blow your doors off around mid-November?

The answer, obviously, is "as bad as the Oilers are, were and will continue to be in perpitude." This is a hockey team in a province full of them that sets the standard for abysmal. From the ice, to behind the bench to the front office. Just because they’re dressed like Gretzky and Kuri doesn’t mean they’re going to score like them. And I mean as a team.

Oilers notes

Okay so I’m supposed to follow the format of the previous Flames-fan-written GDBs because that’s just what happens but I have prepared very little in the way notes for the Oilers because who wants to waste their time reading about how ugly Taylor Hall is these days? (Very.)

But just because it’s you, I will go to the Edmonton Journal’s website and see what’s what.

"Lander, most of his teammates struggling offensively"

Well who could have seen this coming? THE Anton Lander? Struggling offensively? It’s unbelievable is what it is. How is it possible that a player who has never played pro or junior hockey in North America before, and never come close to cracking a point a game overseas, could struggle to the tune of two goals and five points in 42 games on a team with no scoring depth? It defies logic.

And as for the rest of his teammates, that too is shocking. Beyond the Nuge, Taytay and Ebs, the Oilers have no one to do things with the puck that are good for offense and thus I am incredulous that having all of them out injured for lengthy periods would have been a drag on the team’s scoring.

Moving on…

"Hall’s stitches could be face of change in NHL"

Taylor Hall has a scary black eye and a scarier gash on his forehead after he got his face good and stepped on earlier this week and people wonder whether that might force the NHL to start requiring players to wear visors in warmups.

A lot of guys in the league are mad about it, because they’re also mad about the threat of having to wear visors and are therefore obviously not very smart. But any conversation we have about this kind of uptick in player safety measures are good ones.

So hey, at least the Oilers have done something positive for once. And you’ll notice it’s because one of them stepped on another one’s face. And not because they’re good at hockey. Because they’re not.

"Blues solve Khabibulin puzzle"

To be fair it was one of those ones for toddlers that has like eight pieces. But TJ Oshie isn’t that bright.

Of course what that headline ignores is that the Oilers scored zero goals in that game, but that probably goes back to the first point, doesn’t it?

Flames notes

Please, don’t interpret the above as my believing that the Flames are somehow in an enviable position for this game, this season or probably this decade. They are, of course, not.

This has been in no way helped by the team’s injury situation, which isn’t quite as severe as the Oilers in terms of the players affected, but certainly has taken its toll on what was already a shallow, mediocre team. Alex Tanguay and Brendan Morrison both skated this morning but the former won’t play tonight and the latter is a gametime decision. This is in addition ot Curtis Glencross being out between six and eight weeks.

The good news for the Flames, if you want to call it that (and I don’t, particularly) is that Mike Cammalleri has been playing pretty well — largely because I think he’s been real effort-y in ways that he had not been in Montreal — since coming over in trade for brickhead Rene Bourque.

This is the final night of a three-game road trip and to say the Oilers are their worst competition on it is like saying Jupiter is the biggest planet in the solar system: It’s very, very obvious. The previous games were an shootout loss to the Sharks and a shootout win over the Kings, who are first and second in their division, respectively and, unlike the Flames or Oilers, comfortably in the Western Conference playoffs.

What does that mean? That the Flames are actually playing well enough to get points in games, which you can’t say about Edmonton.

Because Edmonton sucks.

And finally…

For those who want lines and such, Pat Steinberg has you covered.

I don’t know how to make a chat window appear at the top of this post but I’m assuming one of my editors does so I leave that to him (indeed I do – ed.). Have a good night. Or don’t.

In fact, you probably won’t.

 

  • Chris.

    Game Day Prediction: Unlikely as it seems: the Oilers win tonight by a comfortable margin: 5-2 final. Hall and Eberle both score on the powerplay.

    Obvious Game Day Prediction: At least one douchebag Flame hits Hall square in the stiches with his glove on sparking a line brawl. Emotion from this event carries the Oil to victory.

    Not-So-Obvious Game Day Prediction: Several fans will draw frankenstein like stiching on their faces prior to tonights tilt in an ill advised attempt to honor Taylor Hall. Suter will see some of them tonight on an ESPN highlight package and promise himself to never, ever sign in Edmonton. Two days later Tambellini pulls the trigger on a massive overpay gambling his career on a Suter extension…

  • John Chambers

    I suppose it was foolish of me to assume that a blogger of the Calgary Flames resided in Calgary. I feel shame.

    My two advices to the rest of you pale virgins down highway 2 is to invest in some deodorant and keep aspiring toward mediocrity.

  • RexLibris

    Courtesy of David Staples at Cult of Hockey, You Know You Are A Flames Fan If…

    http://blogs.edmontonjournal.com/2012/01/20/you-know-youre-a-flames-fan-if/

    There’s some good, some bad, some funny.

    Anyway, the Flames have injuries in their “secondary” where they can at least absorb some of the shock (with the possible exception of Glencross). While the Oilers have injuries in their defense and first-line centre, an area in which they presumably cannot make up the difference.

    So on paper it looks like Flames should win. That said, who knows which version of either of these teams shows up to play tonight.

    Go Oilers, and best of luck in the playoff hunt to Flames fans (after this game, though).

  • Saw the Hockeybuzz picture and while I appreciate your poo-poo humour let me tell you the story from an Oilers perspective.

    You see a Bulldog taking a crap on an Oilers logo.

    I see your typical hairy bitch wearing a flames Jersey (just like the 1000’s of other ones in the lower bowl of the dome on a game night) who craps herself whenever they see an Oilers logo coming there way.

    Go Oilers!!!

    • Sadly you are incorrect sir the bulldog is a MALE his name is Sullivan so therefore I can not buy your story.:-) Glad there are Oilers fans with a sense of humour though!

      * On a side note he is named after my favourite drummer that passed away Jimmie Sullivan of Avenged Sevenfold.

  • a lg dubl dubl

    GDP: Kippersoft blows a knee, Flammers take a dive down to fight it out for top puck with the Oilers, Feaster realizes his team really does suck and puts the team into rebuild mode sucking for the next bajillion yrs while the Oilers win 10 more cups with the help of Hall,Eberle,RNH and this yrs top pick.

    Bazingaa flammer fans, bazingaa!

  • John Chambers

    Well, what an exciting ride it must be, Ryan Lambert. “Hey, we’re sOmewhere between 8th and 12th place! Look out Western Conference, we’re the archetype of the lower middle class!”

    Perhaps you’re one of these fellows who can’t help but live in the here and now, Ryan Lambert. Perhaps when the psychologists ran the test on your 5-year old self you couldn’t help yourself and you gobbled down the marshmallow, unable to wait for the better payoff.

    Your criticism of our vision only serves to underscore your lack thereof. But then again, you live in a city where prosperity was served to you on a platter, and all you did was congest it with F-250’s and sausage parties in July while you herd those kitchy rancher hats of yours into the Saddledome to once again wish that you were just a bit taller, just a smidge faster, so that one fine day …

    • Vintage Flame

      Well, what an exciting ride it must be, Ryan Lambert. “Hey, we’re sOmewhere between 8th and 12th place! Look out Western Conference, we’re the archetype of the lower middle class!”

      It beats being in 29th or 30th place John and being the laughing stock of not only Alberta, but the NHL when you keep drafting top 5 and still can’t do anything with it.

      Tell me John, are you going to popping the corks on the champagne when Ryan Nugent-Hopkins gets up to the podium and says in his squeaky pre-pubescent voice a sweaty palms…
      With the 1st pick over all the Edmonton Oilers proudly select, from the Sarnia Sting, Nail Yakupov!

      And then realize, no one is clapping because everyone except Oilers Management really knows the Oilers don’t need another high energy, yet injury prone forward to solve their problems.

      Enjoy! *Rimshot*

      Your criticism of our vision only serves to underscore your lack thereof. But then again, you live in a city where prosperity was served to you on a platter, and all you did was congest it with F-250’s and sausage parties in July while you herd those kitchy rancher hats of yours into the Saddledome to once again wish that you were just a bit taller, just a smidge faster, so that one fine day …

      Man that was funny… You should save your “A” game though. Ryan lives in Boston buddy… Next?

  • Vintage Flame

    I hope the next episode of Oil Change opens with a shot of Tambellini on a train out of town with a hobo stick.

    If the Oilers are going to suck forever, wouldn’t it be nice if they just prepared for every BOA and not worry about the other 76 games. I’d be happy with a 6-76 record if it meant 6 wins against the Flames.

  • Vintage Flame

    Yeah “Squadering” another 1st Overall pick is going to suck! How could a team ever rebuild and get good by taking several first rounders year after year (Quebec Nords in late 80’s early 90’s…then terrorized the league for a decade)…I guess if this winner thinks Edmonton has no future, well then it just must be true. At least he has a clear view of how hopeless this Flames team is for a long, long, looooong time. Flames will probably win, and at that end of the day, that will help land another star or at least a very good player to the stack of young studs that is the edmonton oilers. I Love the Oil, but want a shot at Nail Yakubov….so go Flames! Have fun winning in the short term, cause Once Edmonton gains traction, Calgary will be soiling themselves, and Vancouver will still be good.

  • TLHansum

    The previous games were an shootout loss to the Sharks and a shootout win over the Kings

    —AN shootout loss?

    given how badly things have gone lo these past

    —lo?

    Glad i dont have to read the flamesnation blogs, cause i couldnt wade through the grade 6 grammer and spelling mistakes every day.