It’s officially summer, the sun is out, the flooding is kinda gone, the birds are chirping and not in the really annoying way. The solstice is now, friends, and as the temperatures rise and the patios beckon, it’s that time of year where there’s only one thing we as Calgary Flames want to do: sit in our basements poring over the newly unveiled 2014-15 Calgary Flames schedule, looking for which games we want to spend our
hard earned money on, and which games are against the Coyotes, as our skin gets pastier and gross.
But 82 games is a lot, and it’s hard to know which games are worth watching (it’s all of them, you cynics, but I know it’s not ALL of them), and maybe if you had a handy guide to tell you what kind of hijinks McGrattan and friends are going to get themselves into this year, and where.
This is not that guide, Citizens. There is no guide. The guide is the actual schedule. But this is a brief synopsis of what the Flaming C is looking at come October and also a complete waste of your time.
the thing I found myself struck by immediately when perusing the sked was the lengths of homestands and road trips. The beginning of the season does not feature much in the way of quick trips and weekend homestands.
In fact, outside of Calgary’s home opener against the Canucks (start drinking a shot starting NOW every time you hear someone ponder aloud as to whether or not Bob Hartley begins the game with a full complement of facepunchers leading up to this one, and also watch me slowly die as a once great game is reduced to non-stop talk of circus chicanery), the Flames are quickly deployed into Edmonton for game two (where the Oilers are already sure to be eliminated from the playoffs), and into the midwest (AND WINNIPEG) for a 6 game roadie against mostly Central Division contenders (and Winnipeg).
If you’re wondering at that point if you’re ever going to be able to see the Flames at the Dome, away from the ear-piercing prattle of Sportsnet coverage, the answer is yes, because our boys in red return to Cowtown for a 5 game castle defense, against a whole bunch of Eastern teams you don’t care about, but like, hey, you get to see Ovi once, so that’s cool (that IS cool, by the way. I’ll probably be buying tickets for that one)
and if that weren’t enough, the team is then sent on the weirdest home and home iteration I’ve ever heard of, as the Flames head East to play LITERALLY THE SAME 5 TEAMS as they do on their homestand, if by literally the same 5 teams you assume the Predators and Lightning are the same thing. Which I do. That is super weird, and I don’t know yet if it’s cool or not, but hey, it’s happening.
This leads to ANOTHER 5 game homestand as the harsh icy bite of Calgary December beckons. No better way to spend it than waiting at a packed C-Train platform all drunk on heroin beer as you all pile out of the Dome at the same time after watching the Blackhawks annihilate our precious young Flames squad.
These trends more or less spread out consistently throughout the course of the season, but I’m bored to death talking about it.
GAMES OF NOTE
Flames vs. Canucks:
- Wednesday, October 8th, 8 PM Mountain, Saddledome
- Saturday, December 20th, 8 PM Mountain, Rogers’ Snakepit
- Saturday, January 10th, 8 PM Mountain, Rogers’ Suckhole
- Saturday, February 14th (aww, Valentine’s Day<3<3<3) 8 PM Mountain, Saddledome Love Factory
Flames vs. LOILers:
- Thursday, October 9th, 7:30 PM Mountain, Wrecks All Place (look these can’t all be winners)
- Saturday, December 27th, 8 PM Mountain, Saddledome
- Wednesday, December 31st, 7:30 PM Mountain, Saddledome (ring in 2015 with the 26th and 29th place teams and some drunk shitheads from Edmonton!)
- Saturday, January 31st, 8 PM Mountain, Saddledome
- Saturday, April 4th, 8 PM Mountain, City of Mushrooms
- ___ ______ _th, _:__ Mountain, ______ (Mike Cammalleri’s first game against the Flames with his new team, the _____)
- Friday, February 6th, 7 PM Mountain, your boyfriend Sidney Crosby comes to town
- Monday, February 16th, 7 PM Mountain, MAYBE Jarome Iginla comes back to town?
- Darryl Sutter led Stanley Cup champion Los Angeles Kings smugly coast into the Calgary area twice this year, once on December 29th, and towards the end of the year, with everything on the line, obviously, on April 9th. TANNED DARRYL SUTTER.
- The Flames play the Wild, Coyotes, Blue Jackets, and Devils a combined 12 times, so schedule your appointments for those days, and make sure if your useless kids have any stupid recitals that they fall on those days as well.
- As far as home game breakdowns, there are 8 Saturday games and 7 Friday games, so if you’re not an alcoholic who has a job to go to the next day, that’s a good thing. If you’re completely hopeless, there are 4 Monday games, 8 Tuesday games, 7 Wednesday games, 7 Thursday games, and literally ZERO home games on Sundays, so you can make sure you don’t have any church conflicts.
- Fortunately, you only have to put up with 4 day games this year, but unfortunately, you have to put up with 4 day games this year. Day games are the worst. Day games are Kevin Westgarth.
I love when the Flames schedule for the new season is unveiled so I can plan all those road trips I inevitably never go on
— Offseason Floob (@bookofloob) June 23, 2014
is it too early to be thinking about a bunch of hockey games that are an entire October away? Considering there’s a whole draft, and free agency period, and training camps, and GOING OUTSIDE AND BEING A FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING between now and then?
I don’t think so. We’re Flames fans, we’re all sad and pitiful people, and this is what we have to look forward to, so we might as well get prepared now. I personally like to check out when the Flames take their winter road trips to California and Florida, make big plans to make the trek down to see hockey in places where there are also palm trees, get really excited, and then never actually do it.
I don’t know if you, noble Citizen, have any annual regular season to do’s to cross off your list, but if you don’t, hopefully we’ve illustrated some upcoming games where you might be able to start something new.
Even though probably not.