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Photo Credit: Mark Kao

Twilight of the Michaels: Flames Fan Nihilism

This is exhausting. Every single night: “Did the Predators beat the Sharks?” “Did the Kings beat Vegas?” “Are the Blues in or out?” “Milan Lucic removed his jersey at his own blue line, pledged allegiance to Beelzebub, and did what to Connor McDavid?” Do you find yourself wishing you didn’t care? That our leisure time was simply, less stressful? Do you find yourself actually dreading the thought of watching a hockey team innovate new and exciting ways of blowing two-goal leads?

Have you considered trying to watch Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives instead? It’s on all the time and rarely has made me as ill as watching the Flames in their own end. No? well, have you tried denying all meaning in the universe instead? Let’s try it on for size this weekend!Full Disclosure: some of this is Nietzsche, who, most historians contend, was a die-hard Flames fan. Also, he had Syphilis. Wait…

1

Be Grateful — The most important result of the past efforts of humanity is that we need no longer go about in continual fear of wild beasts, barbarians, the Honda Center, gods, and our own dreams.

2

Consequence as Adjuvant Cause — Formerly the consequences of an action were considered, not as the result of that action, but a voluntary adjuvant – i.e. on the part of God. What kind of God would allow Jarome Iginla, his finest creation, to play on a line with John Mitchell and Blake Comeau? Can a greater confusion be imagined?

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3

Victory Over Power — If we consider all that has been venerated up to the present as “superhuman intellect” or “genius,” we must come to the sad conclusion that, considered as a whole, the intellectuality of mankind must have been extremely low and poor: this conclusion comes naturally to all Flames fans who witnessed Dougie Hamilton on the bench with the man advantage. Alas for the cheap glory of “Gully”!

Sep 27, 2016; Winnipeg, Manitoba, CAN; Calgary Flames forward Hunter Smith (71) towers over Winnipeg Jets defenseman Josh Morrissey (36) during the third period at MTS Centre. Calgary won 3-0. Mandatory Credit: Bruce Fedyck-USA TODAY Sports

4

Behold, Dull Care — It is your own thoughts that imprison you within the constructs of meaning. You, Flames fan, must ascribe meaning and consider the appropriate spot to play Matt Stajan with Tanner Glass. For what purpose? Your God has forsaken you if you have spent time weighing this quandary. Breathe, release, behold, for it is in the removal of value from your own existence that you can truly be happy with the first draft pick being in the fourth round.

5

Flames Nihilism: A Mantra — I, fellow Flames nihilist, urge you to set yourself free from the mundane, dreary existence of attaching your mortal existence to each stick infraction, each miserable giveaway, and every ill-advised ‘Dome Wave.’ What does it mean to embrace such a life?

Excelsior! “Thou wilt never more pray, never more worship, never more repose in infinite trust in Treliving – thou refusest to stand still and dismiss thy thoughts before an ultimate wisdom, a necktie strewn round one’s shoulders, an ultimate virtue, an ultimate power-play, – thou hast no constant Ice Guardian and friend in thy seven-game series – thou livest without the outlook on a mountain that has snow on its head and fire in its heart – there is no longer any requiter for thee, nor any amender with his finishing touch, especially round the net-front.

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There is no longer any reason in that which happens at the deadline, or any love in that which will happen to thee, no matter how pure it flows for 3M – there is no longer any resting-place for thy weary heart: – man of renunciation, wilt thou renounce thy hockey twitter?

Yes. For I have embraced the cold, unfeeling void that nurtures my love for the Flames. I am resigned to simply observe the team from within the very distance that now embraces my cold soul. Which line will Chris Stewart play on tonight? Who can know the nature of one’s own existence on any ‘line’? Which is to say: nothing is certain. Except death.

And Brouwerplays.


  • SportGoblin

    Well, this is the best thing ever. An article with a “Twilight of the Idols” pun? Dynamite. Thanks for seeing the Nietzchean hell that the Flames have become this year, I thought I was the only one who wanted to adopt a nihilistic approach to this unending nightmare world.

  • Off the wall

    I’m pretty sure Nietzsche suffered a mental breakdown at some point in his life.

    I get the reference, however you may have just lost your own mind…

    • Jobu

      Let’s keep this up
      “The man Brian Burke was a truclent jerk who could stink up a team in a season. And Dave Cameron, that son of a gun, built a power play without reason. And Chris Lazar flew very very far just to sit on a bench, appeasin’. And our D Hamonic was looking pretty sick when Brodie gave it up while sneezin’.”

  • Justthateasy

    Nice waxing philosophical Taylor. Might as well. Nothing else seems to work.
    It is the roller coaster of living and dying with your team eh? I actually prefer watching NFL and having a good laugh with no emotion on the line.
    I still can’t believe our pick was unprotected. Plain stupid. I did agree with trading for a known developed commodity in exchange for an unknown undeveloped commodity in pics. But to be left with nothing leaves no hope.
    What a screwball coach selection though. We need to clear the space and get ready for the next one. And this time make it a known proven commodity.!

    • ThisBigMouthIsRight

      And 🙂 Nietzsche on GG:
      There are horrible people who, instead of solving a problem, tangle it up and make it harder to solve for anyone who wants to deal with it. Whoever does not know how to hit the nail on the head should be asked not to hit it at all.

  • Derzie

    Next, the Shakespeare will breakout. We watch hockey to forget the classroom & office, not roll around in it. The university kids (strictly arts) will like it, but the rest…

  • Joeyhere

    Nietzsche’s quote was: “what does not kill me makes me stronger. …. Except If you have only one four playoff rounds in 30 years, in that case fire the management” (well or words to that effect – I may have lost something in the translation )

  • Joeyhere

    Much of last year and all this year I was mad at GG (player usage, incredible stubbornness such as not putting Hamilton or chucky on the pp)
    but now I am looking at Trev. Yes he traded for Hamilton and signed Frolik, but he also:
    But Byron on waivers in order to jeepn3 goalies up
    Signed Brower at $4.5m
    Overpaid for Hamonic
    Wasted drafts on Elliot
    Spent drafts for lack and $ for someone else’s buy out
    Risked A second round pick for lazar

    But most of all when everyone could see we started flat for a second year in a row and with no improvement by Christmas he refused to fire GG when there was still time

    If the Islanders get Thachuk JR with our traded pick he should publicly apologize to the City and leave town forever (and take Burke with you on the way!)

    • The Penn

      I still have hope for this team .That hope is that the players can manage to overcome this coach and his extremely poor player usage.The captain needs to address this behind closed doors with a player only meeting. Overide this idiot .

    • ThisBigMouthIsRight

      Cherry picking in hind sight is easy.
      Byron was a mistake ~ But he was having an off year and was just coming off IR.
      Brouwer was an over pay but to get guys at FA you usually do, Brouwer has put up his worst #’s of his entire Career here over the past 2 years, Just maybe that is a coaching issue?
      Once Again You usually have to over pay to get someone good.
      Of who was available at the time and price to pay to get them Elliot/Johnson seemed like a grand slam… They weren’t But are about Even with what we’re getting Again this year… Hmmmmm? Coaching Problem?
      Again with Lack, Who would you have brought in as BU this year? Esp with your coach having a history and Confidence in him and giving the nod to bring him in. I didn’t like it but I haven’t liked Any of the Familiar with Gully Players brought into the fold.
      Hunter Smith was our second round pick in 2014 Sometimes Seconds don’t work out, and with Lazar’s Player usage and opportunity given… Where do you expect him to be?

      THIS I totally agree with you On.Gully should have been Axed at X-mas Just like Dallas did in 2012-13 After 1 1/2 years of the Same crap as what is happening here now~!

      Someone is going to get Brady Thachuk, If you wanted BT and the Flames to Tank on purpose this year to try and land him, well that would be an interesting way to go. Unfortunately Everyone’s Expectations were a lot higher to start this year and not many would have predicted the GG Coaching idiocy would have placed the Flames in this situation, as they are now facing!
      BT hasen’t been perfect but he is Far from the Reason the Flames are Struggling this year (Other than the GG thing- LOL, well maybe he is to Blame?)
      Anyways, jmho.

      • Joeyhere

        Disagree on a few points
        Byron may have been off the prev year but we chose to place him on waivers at the start of the year in order to protect three goalies -keeping a theee goalie monster has never worked for any nhl team – that isn’t hindsight
        Brower’s numbers (as shown by every FN writer were easy to predict) he was at an obvious age to decline
        That’s not hindsight as most hockey writers called it a poor signing at the time
        And Lack was clearly done before we gave away draft picks
        Hamonic was coming off a bad year but we paid top price – esp given that it’s been published that the Islanders would have taken Brodie for Hamonic straight up (debatable trade but clearly there were options)
        But I am glad we (and I think most ) agree – Trev needs to wear his decision to hold on to a coach that clearly wasn’t working

        It’s a shame that we are in this position now ! I’m truly not sure if we could get a better GM and I am open to hearing thoughts on that but I am damm sure we could get a better coach and I think BT needs to own up to his errors

        • ThisBigMouthIsRight

          Sorry, This mess is clearly on the Failure of the Coaching staff and their inability to properly use players to their strengths instead they force players in a position to struggle or fail. As well as their corsi system that is good on paper but not practical when it comes to playing to win Games.
          There was No Way to know if someone was going to grab Byron off Waivers, at this point he was still a roll of the dice on a fringe NHLer.
          Yes Brouwer was not a great idea, But how he is used is a Bigger Problem eg the Brouwer-play.
          Like I said, Lack was a Mistake, But who had History with Lack? GG
          Picks were more preferable than Roster players when going for a playoff spot, Unfortunately this year is a waste of everyone’s time and energy.
          And a Big Yes to your Last Statement. I’d prefer to reserve judgment on BT and the Core of this team until we get a couple of years in with a Real NHL Coach… And Yes that does fall on BT to Fix ASAP! Thanks for the discussion Joeyhere.

    • Rocket66

      Is it just me or has the first lines production become stale since ferland left it
      I swear to god this team looks like they are tanking with some of the recent line ups Which would make sense if they had a pick to go after

      UNLESS tre has made a trade with islanders that we are not aware of and won’t till draft day I don’t understand the thought process of this team lately