Assorted thinks


There ain’t a whole lot going on right now that we can get excited about these days. We regularly consider moving to Dubai when the Oilers miss the playoffs and this time of the year is the absolute worst. Everyone and their dog is enjoying playoff hockey right now it seems, everyone except the only team of any real global importance that is. But life goes on … by ragging on other fans. It’s all we have these days Nation.

Assorted haterade


What a week for Canucks fans. First 4/20 and now a series sweep. It’s basically hippie Christmas. But we bet you would trade it all for legalized marijuana and for your girlfriend to run a razor over her legs once in a blue moon. Wouldn’t you — you hippie bastards? Ah what’s the point? No one in a Canucks jersey is even awake before noon today including our hippie brother in VAN who texted us “wooooo!” at 3:56 AM last night.

Thanks bro.
You dink.

Assorted questions

  1. Remember Craig MacTavish? Hint: He has a full and lush head of hair and used to stand beside Craig Simpson on the bench. Yeah, him. Uh — where is, he exactly? Doesn’t he want to talk about his 82 years behind the bench? We want to hear him talk and we also think the Oil should retire his number eventually. Yeah we said it. So what?
  2. Who exactly is going to take the reins and become the new Coach of the Oil? Every day that there is no announcement tells us the Oil are waiting for a certain Eastern Conference Team to exit the playoffs so they can talk to their current head coach. Maybe a team that was once referred to by a former Captain of the Oilers as being a “Mickey Mouse organization?” Maybe a team that rhymes with the Rew Rersey Revils? Yes? No?
  3. Isn’t it great how bad the Flames are doing? Yeah, that’s some sweet street justice. Rene Bourque has been your best player. That’s just great.
  4. Speaking of high-larious things in VAN — how fantastic is that Sundin signing looking right about now? Imagine VAN had spent the money on good players? hahahaha

Assorted draft stuff


1039 entries in the playoff pool? Uh what? That is about 1038 more entries than we expected to receive. It’s game time now — believe that. You know that we are waiting to strike, tucked comfortably back in 532nd place with our team of world beaters called Oilers Forever? That question mark at the end is a typo of course, the Oilers will exist forever and we will be with them till the very end.

Regardless of how good they are.
Even though they currently blow.

But Oilers Forever? – that team is poised to S-T-R-I-K-E. Not a single St Louis Blue on the roster:


Sammy Pahlsson could get a point any day now. That wouldn’t hurt our feelings you cold Euro bastard. Nash? We seem to recall predicting you would get smushed. Dang. Take a look at the following hilarious people and their position in the draft:

Jason Gregor – Team Name: Jason Gregor (clever) – 466th place.
OilersNinja – Team Name: Phone basher – 773rd place.

Who the hell is everyone else? We can only see team names and can’t identify any of the team GMs by many of the team names. We certainly don’t know who hockeynut is, nor can we see his/her/it’s team. But we do know that:

  1. He/she/it is definitely in first place as of 04/22/2009
  2. There are a few minor tweaks needing to be done to the draft before it is perfecto.
  3. Whoever wins the $1000 is going to be buried under 1,204,598 emails from yours truly asking when we are going for a free beer.

We need to figure out a way to be able to see who everyone picked in the draft.

*wanders off to find someone smarter than him. Notes that this shouldn’t take long*

  • RCN

    1,039 entries in the draft you say? Any chance we could add a zero to the end of that so my current 953rd place doesn't make me feel like Roger Millions after a verbal slip up live on Sportsnet?

  • RCN

    @ The Towel Boy:
    @ Wanye Gretz:

    I'm sure is was someone working with him that came up with, "one-up, one-down". Working with him really is working one-down. Not to mention the fact that they wouldn't have to be in the same booth with him.

  • RCN

    The Menace wrote:

    I did get a laff from potential Oilers head coach Marc Crawford during the game last night when he described the Human Rake as “shooting from the ladies tee”. I thought that was more clever (cleverer?) than I would have given him credit for.
    I don’t know who McGuire is blowing to keep that job though.

    Crapford TOTALLY ripped that off from the guy who does the Boston games for NESN. Just one more reason to hate Mark Crapford.

  • RCN

    The Towel Boy wrote:

    @ Wanye Gretz:
    RE: Pierre
    I have to think the play by play guys that get saddled with him truly must want to kill themselves when they find out MacGuire is their colour guy. Seriously….I get so incredibly tired of hearing Pierre cut off his play by play guy to say crap like “Oh! That’s icing.” or “Offside!” or “TOO many men…TOO MANY MEN!”…and shit like that. I think he thinks he’s back to coaching when he’s down there between the benches and forgets the mic is on and he has a counterpart actually calling the play. Drives me nuts. I just picture Gord Miller or Chris Cuthbert rolling their eyes every time he cuts them off to tell the viewers what they just saw. Bugs the living f*ck out of me. I don’t know why. I guess I just hate Pierre MacGuire. Not to mention his stupid monster of the game and various over the top man crushes on anyone considered worthy of Team Canada.
    There. I got that off my chest.

    Haha, my hatred for Pierre easily matches yours! The worst has to be when he does a Pens game, nothing but "Crosby does this and Crosby does that" for the whole game.

  • RCN

    @ The Towel Boy:

    Who on earth did Mcguire coach?? Yeah that's right i'll ask it on here and not look it up myself

    @ The Menace:

    I can only imagine him left behind after every game as the other color commentary guys leave arm in arm with groupies. Watching everyone leave him behind, thinking about monsters.

  • RCN

    @ Ducey:

    If Oiler fans know how to make their team win by simply cheering loudly, they should try it one of these years. A few more wins might actually get the Oil into the playoffs!

  • RCN

    @ Wanye Gretz

    That tool was behind the bench as an assistant coach in Pits when they won back to back cups in 91 and 92. I think he was head coach in Hartford in 94. Still a loser.

  • RCN

    Wanye Gretz wrote:

    oilgirl wrote:
    @ Hockey Gods:
    He’s getting a BJ and free beer if he rigs it so I win

    *Walks into the room to see Wanye and Oilgirl goin at it. Is unsure whether to stay or leave. Dont wanna weird this out by making a scene while i leave, dont wanna weird this out by sticking around. Decides to wait this out, like France in the 2nd World War.*

  • RCN

    I named my team after my most prized possesion. And that is why I am named my team


    Currently in 103rd, but will inevitably win this thing due to the sheer awesomeness of the team's name. Book it.