Welcome to the Game Day Fire Drill, for this, Calgary’s 51st game of the season on Jan. 21, 2010.

This, too, is going to get ugly.

Yeah, Calgary got demolished in the most embarrassing game I have seen in my entire time as a Flames supporter, and it’s not likely to stop tonight.

I’m sure Darryl Sutter, then Brent Sutter, then the assistant coaches, then the captains, then the veterans, then the equipment managers, and then maybe even the PR staff got in everyone’s face in the dressing room in the last two days, and that might have been good enough to fire everyone up to the point that they’d steamroll their next opponent had the game been against, say, Nashville or something.

But this is the Chicago goddamn Blackhawks and the Flames don’t beat them. It’s really that simple. They are so deep at forward and on defense that any attempts to defeat them are turned aside with a laugh. A five-goal deficit 10 minutes into a game? "Ha ha ha," say the Blackhawks, "do you really think that is enough to defeat us?" Then later this season they were like "Hey you know how the Sharks are gonna beat you guys by eight goals.. no, they are, just believe us. We know. Anyway, we’re gonna beat you 7-1 tonight just to kinda give you a bit of a taste of how bitter that kind of defeat is. Y’know, as a public service."

I swear that conversation probably happened.

This game tonight is probably going to be another multiple-goal loss for the Flames. I don’t see any other way around that. But if they somehow win, wouldn’t that just be the funniest thing you ever saw?

 

The Calgary Flames (26-18-6 for 58 points. Seventh in the West, third in the Northwest) and the Chicago Blackhawks (34-12-4 for 72 points. Second in the West, first in the Central).

7:30 p.m. Mountain time and 9:30 p.m. Eastern time. All other time zones should prepare to have their minds blown.

Pengrowth Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta.

Calgary is 12-10-3 at home this year, but haven’t beaten Chicago in 400 straight games. The Blackhawks are 13-7-3 on the road and have lost just two of their last 11 in regulation.

Toews, Kane, Hossa — How is that even fair up front? They have scored 32 goals against Calgary in six regular-season games over the last two seasons. That’s an average of 5.33 per game. Absurd.

Keith, Seabrook, Barker — How is that even fair at the back? They have allowed 13 goals in those same six games (2.17 per) but that’s with Calgary having scored five in that one terrible, awful game earlier this year. Outside of that game, obviously an aberration, that’s eight goals allowed in five games. A goals-against of 1.60. Ridiculous.

They never lose to Calgary — Six straight wins, and no end in sight. Calgary has earned two points of the 12 available in those games.

Because Tuesday wasn’t horrifying enough. Enjoy the game and oh my god no in the comments section.