Welcome to the eighth Game Day Fire Drill, for this, Calgary’s 56th game of the season on Feb. 14, 2009.

You guys remember when you were little, how much you loved those damn Road Runner and Coyote cartoons? The highlight of every single episode of Looney Tunes for me, no question (unless there was a real good Bugs Bunny like the one where he played baseball against the Gashouse Gorillas).

When I watched that I wished I had access to the kind of inventions Wile E. Coyote was always buying from ACME. Rocket skates, cans of paint that painted perfect tunnels on the sides of cliffs with one brush stroke, exploding bird seed, etc. It was a very impressive arsenal, all of which went sadly to waste. These were the halcyon days of my youth, dear readers.

Part of the appeal was that he never talked, either. Something about silent slapstick has always appealed to me, which is why Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton movies are so awesome.

But then one day there was a cartoon where Wile E. Coyote met Bugs Bunny. And he started talking in a rather ridiculous voice. I was not a fan of this move by Warner Brothers, and have been soured on coyotes and, indeed, the Coyotes ever since.

Incidentally similar cartoons are also why I believe all Mexicans to be lazy mice.

The Calgary Flames (32-18-5 for 69 points (lol). Third in the West, first in the Northwest) and the Phoenix Coyotes (25-26-5 for 55 points. Tied for 11th in the West, tied for fourth in the Pacific)

8 p.m. Mountain time and 10 p.m. Eastern time. All other time zones are advised to figure out what a snake charmer does.

Jobing.com Arena, Glendale, Arizona.

Calgary is 12-11-2 on the road this year, and won their last game away from Calgary. Phoenix, despite their poor overall point total, is rather decent at home, earning a 16-10-2 record in Glendale. They have, however, lost four in a row at home and eight of their last 10 overall.

Ed Jovanovski — Jovo’s a man who needs no introduction to Flames fans. Remember how much you hated him when he played for the Canucks? Well he’s just as much of a prick now, AND he’s almost completely lost any ability to play defense. He’s a -10. Because he sucks.

They have a lot of good young players — Kyle Turris may have just gotten sent to the AHL to make room for Brian Gratton (what?) but they’re still swimming in good talent under 23. I like Keith Yandle a lot, Mikkel Boedker could turn out to be a player, Peter Mueller is good, Viktor Tikhonov is a promising project, Martin Hanzal’s hands are DISGUSTING for a kid his size (6-foot-5, 210 pounds), and Enver Lisin is my guilty pleasure hockey player du l’année. The Coyotes and the Kings are going to create a lot of havoc in the West in two or three years.

Olli Jokinen — Still looks like a pumpkin and (thankfully) still isn’t coming to Calgary.

The many ways to pronounce “coyote” — Apparently there are a lot of different ways of pronouncing the word “coyote,” which I’ve never quite understood. There’s the widely-accepted way to pronounce it: Ky-o-tee. There’s the Southwestern version: “Ky-ote.” And then in Paul Thomas Anderson’s 2007 masterpiece There Will Be Blood, Daniel Plainview pronounces the land upon which he first struck oil: “Coy-o-tee Hills.” Interestingly, I’ve never heard it pronounced “Coy-ote” and that would seem to be the most straightforward way of saying it, no?

They might not exist much longer — Way to keep your team, Phoenix.

Wayne Gretzky — I’m sure it’s a holdover from his playing days, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a coach so incredulous over every call made against his team. If Ed Jovanovski literally decapitated an opponent at center ice and threw the head into the stands, Gretzky would stand with one leg on the dasher and berate Kerry Fraser for 45 seconds about how ludicrous the call was, all while making hilarious, bewildered faces.

Because you love us. Enjoy the game and feel free to tell us that you choo-choo-choose us in the comments section!