Welcome to the Game Day Fire Drill, for this, Calgary’s 62nd game of the season on Feb. 13, 2010.

Last game before the Olympics. I don’t know how to feel about you people.

On the one hand, all I learned from your opening ceremonies is that First Nations people wore a lot of brightly-colored clothing and you guys seem to do lots of acid. I’m pretty cool with a country that has both of those things.

But I think this is the last time you and I are going to be able to be friends for a while. As you probably know by now, I am an American. And there is nothing that I am going to relish more than seeing our great Olympians head up to Vancouver and kick your weaksauce Canadian asses all over the Great White North. Remember that World Junior tournament where John Carlson clowned Your Boys out in Your Sport and you all cried like stupid little ugly babies? No? Here’s a reminder.

 

And now it’s gonna be a whole hell of a lot worse than that.

Obviously every medal your lame athletes win will be on account of what I think we can all acknowledge is cheating and a general lack of class, couth and tact that is generally associated with the spirit of goodwill and sportsmanship of the Olympic Spirit. Americans embody that. Canadians not so much.

So yeah, you can expect a report from me on every great American success and every shameful Canadian failure (of which there should be many!), so keep peepin’ FlamesNation.ca to learn about the many ways in which your representatives’ disgraceful performances have dishonored your ancestors.

 

Oh, right. The Flames. They’re gonna lose I bet. Whatever dude. Olympics.

God bless America.

The Calgary Flames (29-23-9 for 67 points. Eighth in the West, third in the Northwest) and the Anaheim Ducks (29-24-7 for 65 points. Eleventh in the West, fifth in the Pacific).

8 p.m. Mountain time and 10 p.m. Eastern time. All other time zones should try not to screw up the Opening Ceremonies next time (I’m lookin at you Gretzky!).

Pengrowth Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta.

Calgary is 14-14-3 at home this year, which is alarming. The Ducks are 10-16-5 on the road, and have lost five of their last eight road games.

Saku Koivu — Despite being looked to not necessarily as a scoring threat, he still has 32 points in 51 games and has devoured 18:17 of ice time a night. He has been a fantastic signing for the Ducks and their struggles aren’t his fault.

Scott Niedermayer — They might be Nieds’. Looks like he’s finally gettin’ up there, which isn’t so bad when you’re 36. The Hobo King of Canada has still provided the requisite offense with 34 points, but he’s a minus-17.

Their treatment of Dan Sexton — Sexton came up in early December and went on a tear, scoring seven points in his first six NHL games after starting the year in the ECHL. After that, he went longer than two games without a point just once (and that was a three-game pointless streak in which the Ducks as a whole only scored seven goals). So how did they reward him for his 18 points in 28 games, which was a better point-per-game pace than all but Getzlaf, Perry, Selanne and Ryan? They sent him to the AHL on Jan. 29.

Because this is the last Flames game until March. Enjoy the game and cry yourself to sleep in the comments section.