Welcome to the fourth Playoff Fire Drill, for this, Calgary’s fourth postseason game on April 22, 2009.

A query for Adam Burish: What are you? Stupid?

Look, I understand that you want to try to get in the kitchen of the opponents’ best players. See: Rene Bourque steamrolling Patrick Kane every time he had the puck and at least twice while he was headed down the driveway to get the paper the next morning. See also: Dion Phaneuf lighting up Jonathan Toews like the Griswold house at Christmas. See also also: Nikolai Khabibulin getting a faceful of ass from some random Flames forward during every power play.

I get it.

It’s important to try to knock the opponent’s best player off his game. But dude, do you know who you’re messing with? This is Jarome freakin’ Iginla. The guy’s so all-business that he’s got an Armani suit on under his jersey. And the suit cost more than you make in a year. And know what he drinks on the bench? Your tears.

He’s not some clown like Sid Crosby who can be easily detached from his goal of F’ing your S up. In fact, you’re just encouraging him. Because now he wants to stuff it right down your stupid ugly throat.

And he’s going to. And it is going to be HILARIOUS.

The Calgary Flames (the fifth seed in the West) and the Chicago Blackhawks (the fourth seed). The latter team leads the series 2-1 and it’s tied 8-8 on aggregate.

8 p.m. Mountain time and 10 p.m. Eastern time. All other time zones should .

Pengrowth Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta.

Calgary is 28-10-4 at home this year in all competition, and just beat Chicago for the first time this season. The Blackhawks are 22-16-4 on the road.

Dustin Byf… Buffl… Bugli… Dustin — If you were to take a Scrabble bag full of letters and ask someone to randomly draw out letters, you have a far greater chance of getting a word that could be pronounced “Bufflin” than this guy’s actual last name. By-fug-lien ≠ Bufflin. I will get my friend, who has a doctorate in linguistics, on the phone to explain this if I must.

Joel Quenneville — Wottsamatter, ‘Stachey? Can’t keep your preschool class under control in the event of a loss? The way in your your little boys comported themselves on Monday was a disgrace. If even Pierre Maguire is stepping out of his usual “ACTIVE STICK MONSTER HIT GAP CONTROL” talk to say what a bunch of dinks he thinks you’re being, you’re being a giant pile of dinks.

Because we’re going back to Chicago! Enjoy the game and start feeling good about yourself again in the comments section.