If that Flames fan had threatened to “bomb” and “shoot” me, I’d have taken him up on it.

I don’t even know what to say after that. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick that was unwatchable.

Hahahahaha like anything would go here.

Moving right along then

The offense — The Flames haven’t scored on an actual goalie in 134:29. Mhmm.

The defense — This is a good part of the season to start giving up five goals. Yes it is.

The goaltending — Another bang-up job outta Miikka Kiprusoff. Three goals on 17 shots. Sick. Curtis McElhinney fared slightly better, giving up two on 19. Team save percentage last night: .861. Perfect.

Special teams — ST net for last night was 3 for 12. Three for twelve. The boys went 0 for 7 on the power play and 3 for 5 on the penalty kill. That’s remarkable.

Discipline — It’s good to take 60 penalty minutes in a game. It’s better when like 37 of those are in the span of 12 minutes or so.

Faceoffs — Winning 42 percent against Pittsburgh was bad. Winning 35 percent against Columbus is much, much worse.

Dion Phaneuf — How long before Keenan just benches this kid? He’s dreadful.

Olli Jokinen and Jarome Iginla — Didn’t do dick last night. They set a tone, but it was the one from South Park that makes everyone crap their pants simultaneously.

Pressure — Oh yeah, they put 33 shots on Steve Mason, but if at any point you felt like one was going to go in, you are an insane maniac.

Coaching — Mike Keenan’s got to start throwing things in the locker room and scare the piss out of these guys, because whatever’s currently going on isn’t cutting the mustard. This is an inexcusable run of poor play with less than 10 games to go before the playoffs. And as it stands right now, Calgary would draw, you guessed it, Columbus. That’d go well.

This season — Barring a miracle, it’s cooked like dinner.