Another Completely True and Not Made Up Interview With Barry Brust

A couple of weeks ago, we published a 100% not fabricated interview with Barry Brust (for the purposes of this piece, "not fabricrated" means absolutely contrived from the brain of BoL, so keep that in mind). It went over well. We were offered a glimpse into the darkest reaches of his soul, learned that he kills people in his spare time, likes Tim Hortons free wi-fi, and is generally just a swell dude. We may have intimated that he’s a touch crazy with a penchant for spontaenous violence, but hey, none of us are perfect.

Further to that, things have been going extremely well for the pride of Swan River, Manitoba. He’s coming off back to back shutouts over the Lake Erie Monsters, and has only let in 1 goal in 4 games over the course of the 2012-13 AHL campaign. Safe to say that this has made him a bit of a cult hero in Abbotsford and Calgary Flames circles, and Brusty is really flying high right now taking the whole thing in. Truly it has never been a better time to be Barry Brust, goaltender and entertainer, and he approached us here at FlamesNation for a follow up interview while he’s riding this hot streak.

Reluctantly, I have agreed to do oblige him, for while I am a proud soldier in the Brussian Army (copyright 2012 bookofloob), last time we spoke, he did end up Superman diving me in the throat. I’m still using a respirator. But what Barry wants, Barry gets, because being the timid, little men we all are here at the Nation, we pretty much bent over and gave him what he wants.

Read on after the jump to catch the follow up with the legendary Barry Brust!

BB: All good dude. Why are you wearing a neck protector and 1970’s style goalie mask?

BB: I attacked you?  I don’t recall that. Are you sure?

BB: I attack so many people that way, you’ll have to be more specific.

BB: Oh right! Okay, I remember now. So I get the helmet, that makes sense, but why are you wearing a dress?

BB: Yeah, I’m pretty great. I’m just seeing the puck really well, and my defense has done a masterful job of keeping opposing forwards out of my crease. It sure does feel good winning and getting these shutouts, though. The last time I felt this high was when I was in space.

BB: Yeah, in 1970. I went up in an Apollo Shuttle with Kevin Bacon.

BB: And astronaut, yeah.

BB: Dude, I’m Barry Brust. If I say I went to space with Kevin Bacon in 1970, who are you to refute it?

BB: I hate all puns unless they’re barely clever play on words of my name. don’t ever do that again.

BB: I’m Brust kidding dude! Lighten up. Ask your question.

BB: Well, after I left Germany, I felt a little lost. I had played pretty well out there, I thought, but my future seemed in doubt, I didn’t think they were going to bring me back. I was dejected. My aura went from a green to a neon yellow. I was about ready to walk away from the game for good.

I remember the moment that changed my life so clearly, I had come home to Swan River, Manitoba, HI MOM AND DAD AND ALL MY RUSSIAN ROULETTE BOYS UNDERNEATH THE BRIDGE, to help work on the family farm. One day I was out tilling the fields, with my bare hands, I just like how it feels, whatever, when this vagrant hobo came plodding through and accidentally got his ankle caught in one of my freshly laid possum traps.

I just sat there as he thrashed about, pathetically wailing "GET THIS TRAP OFF MY LEG DUDE!" For 6 months. Then the lack of food and water caught up to him and he died. I used to eat my afternoon snack watching him struggle. I guess I could have helped, but he was pretty dirty and I didn’t want to touch him.

But I’ll tell you what, the farm’s rutabaga crop produced record yields that season, and I think the fertile, alcohol soaked nutrients of that homeless dude helped the growing process along, which is why we had such lush, delicious rutabaga that year.

That has stuck with me ever since. I was given the opportunity to get my career back on track here in Abbotsford, and I remember driving to the arena for some workouts, thinking "this is my last chance, I’m done if this doesn’t work out", and I was preoccupied trying to think of a way to impress the coaches, when I ended up slamming my Buick into another hobo. Just absolutely lit this bastard up. I was picking pieces of him off of my grill, when a vision of those rutabagas popped into my head. That’s when it struck me: Hobo nutrients.

So I dusted off that hobo, dragged him behind the rink, and proceeded to eat the meatiest parts still attached to his body. Not only was it delicious, but it really charged my batteries. I think there was a dash of meth in there that really brought out the flavour too, so that was a nice bonus.

So I guess that’s my secret now. I kill and eat a bum before every game. Goalies are creatures of habit, some would say wildly superstitious, and I guess as long as this is working out for me, I’ll keep picking the flesh off hobo bones until it stops being effective.

Also, I’ve really been working on my lateral movement, so that probably has something to do with it, too.

BB: I’d love to get back to the NHL for sure. I played in Los Angeles for a while, and that was a hell of an experience. I really enjoyed playing in LA. I got to stalk so many celebrities. I dated Catherine Zeta-Jones for a while, but it started to affect my play, so I had to break it off. Not a lot of people know about that one. She still calls me all the time. It’s really sad. She’s a married woman.

Miikka Kiprusoff is an outstanding goalie. I’d love to come back to the NHL and play with the Flames, but there’s a logjam in that crease, and I wonder how much I’d have to fight for playing time. I mean, if I killed ALL the goalies in the Flame system right now, that would end up looking really suspicious, and I don’t need the cops sniffing around my compound again.

BB: You want to ask about the nickname, don’t you?

BB: Dude, come on.

BB: I know man, I know. Krys Kolanos is absolutely crazy, and that is the dumbest nickname I’ve ever heard of, next to my old high school buddy Onion Junk. We used to call him Joshua, which he absolutely hated. But "The Unit" is right up there for faux pas nicknames. You’d never catch a guy like me doing something that. Krys is a character though, not a normal boring dude like me. And he has cool hair.

BB: (inaudible reply)