First Star, Worst Star: April 19, 2015

You can’t win em all, and it turns out if you’re Buffalo you literally can’t win anything. But YOU have won and your reward is another First Star, Worst Star!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL WE WON!! WE WON!! WE WON!! WE WON!! WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The people of Edmonton haven’t been this excited since they changed the name of our summer fair back to K-Days. 

I’m honestly still speechless. There was no scenario in which the Oilers SHOULD have won this lottery. There were three or four other teams that were PURPOSELY tanking, teams that haven’t collected first overall picks like Beanie Babies and, much like actual Beanie Babies, have so far gotten absolutely zero return out of their initial investment. AND YET there they were, strolling in to collect another golden ticket, going from pitied and mocked to reviled and chastised in the span of 2 seconds. It was the best heel turn since Hulk Hogan teamed up with the Outsiders to form the NWO. 

And to make things even better the Oilers weren’t even purposely bad this year! They are just horribly mismanaged and ended up falling backwards into another amazing young player! YOU CAN’T COACH INEPTITUDE LIKE THIS!  

Part of me feels sorry for Sabres fans right now. Your GM purposely dismantled your team, all but assuring you’d get a franchise cornerstone to build around. You cheered as the losses continued to pile up, a season in the toilet that would be COMPLETELY worth it in the end when you drafted the best junior player since Crosby! And now you have to settle for a guy who would be the number one pick in any other draft year, and who seems like he’s going to be super fun to watch, moreso off the ice than on. 

Wait, sorry, did I say I felt sorry for Sabres fans? Ehhh, I think they’ll be fine. And on top of that Americans are used to always coming in second to Canadians so I’m sure it was an easy pill to swallow! 

Also it’s nice to know that the ghost of Steve Tambellini still haunts those Toronto-based studios. 

WELCOME TO EDMONTON CONOR! No pressure or anything, but if you could please lead the Oilers to the playoffs within 2 or 3 years that would be great! THANKS! 

Honestly I’m still so happy from the Oilers winning the lottery that I can’t even think of anything negative right now. EVERYTHING IS AMAZING AND HAVE YOU GUYS NOTICED HOW BLUE THE SKY IS THESE DAYS? ISN’T THE WORLD JUST AWESOME?? THE 2015-16 SEASON CAN’T START SOON ENOUGH! MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID MCDAVID! 

Happy McDavid day everyone! May the McDavid be with you! A merry McDavid to all and to all a McDavid!