Welcome to the second Game Day Fire Drill, for this, Calgary’s 50th game of the season on Feb. 3, 2009.

Calgary’s picking up the back end of a two-in-a-row road set with Colorado and Dallas tonight. Suppose that, a couple days ago, you’d asked me, “DO THESE SEEM LIKE TWO WINNABLE GAMES TO YOU, SIR?” I would have said, “Yes, and how are you contacting me? This website does not exist yet.” I would have then assumed you to be some sort of mercenary, sent from the future to kill me and possibly the rest of humanity. Boy, would you have been surprised when I tried to throw you into the giant pit of boiling, liquid metal I keep in my basement for just these types of occasions.

I saw Terminator 2. I know how to deal with futurebots like you.

The Calgary Flames (30-15-4 for 64 points. Third in the West, first in the Northwest) and the Dallas Stars (23-18-7 for 53 points. Sixth in the West, tied for third in the Pacific)

6:30 p.m. Mountain time and 8:30 p.m. Eastern time. All other time zones can figure it out on their own.

American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas.

The Stars are 14-11-3 at home this season and are 6-1-1 in their last eight in Dallas, though four of those went to overtime. Their last game was on Saturday against Columbus and they won 7-3.

Calgary is 0-1 against the Stars this year. They lost 3-1 in Calgary on Dec. 2. They have yet to play in Dallas this year.

Steve Ott — Nothing says “giant bag of cat piss” like this clown. What he lacks in actual hockey talent he makes up for in his ability to lowbridge any of your team’s favorite players and generally be a bigger dick than most NHL agitators would consider sportsmanlike. Think Sean Avery without the hockey talent or entertainment value. Speaking of…

No Sean Avery — Their suspending Avery for the remainder of the season (or however they’re justifying it) means he won’t play the Flames at all this year. In turn, we get no resolution of that overblown, non-issue “Jarome Iginla is boring” talk, and probably nary a mention of any sloppy seconds at all. How gravely disappointing.

Stephane Robidas — If they were going to admit one no-offense defenseman to the All-Star Game, why shouldn’t it be one that’s worse than Robyn Regehr in every conceivable way?

The heat — Right this second it’s 66 degrees in Dallas, or 19 Celsius for you metric system-loving Canadians. How can anybody be expected to play hockey in that? (Yes, we are jealous.)

The City of Dallas — Stole a team from Minnesota, murdered JFK.

Because we said so. Enjoy the game and feel free to blather amongst yourselves in the comments section!