Welcome to the seventh Game Day Fire Drill, for this, Calgary’s 55th game of the season on Feb. 12, 2009.

What I don’t understand is why Calgary has played seven games in 12 days. That’s like… almost two a day or something (I failed the easiest math class at my college twice, but third time’s a charm!).

That, I guess, is why I do this kinda smartass horsecrap and my buddy Kent does stats and analysis. And since he stole my whole “the Kings aren’t joking around” intro for this GDFD, I guess I’ll just tell you an embarrassing story from my childhood.

When I was playing youth hockey growing up, I was bad. Very bad, in fact. Had all the vision in the world but I just couldn’t skate. And as such I didn’t play very much. This led to a lot of fooling around on the bench and generally not paying attention to the game.

Well one time in the playoffs, we were losing by two goals (4-2 if I recall correctly) entering the third period. During the intermission, our coach stressed to us the importance of scoring early to get back into it. I took this very much to heart, but, as always, started on the bench.

But what did that matter? We had our best players out there and they took the puck down the ice and scored on the first rush. I jumped up and cheered. We were right back in it!

Except we weren’t. Because the other team had scored, and I had somehow forgotten that teams switch ends of the ice between periods. As I went out for my shift, the kid I lined up across from on the wing said, “I saw you cheer for our goal. Do you want to be on our team? You play bad enough for yours that you could probably make it.”

That one hurt, but not as bad as the puck to the nuts I took later on in that shift.

Not a good game for the kid.

The Calgary Flames (31-18-5 for 67 points. Fourth in the West, first in the Northwest) and the Los Angeles (24-21-7 for 55 points. Eleventh in the West, fourth in the Pacific)

8:30 p.m. Mountain time and 10:30 p.m. Eastern time. All other time zones need to watch out for ninja cats.

Staples Center, Los Angeles, California.

Calgary is 11-11-2 on the road this year, but they’ve lost four in a row away from Calgary. LA is only a game above .500 at home, with a record of 11-10-1, but the Kings just got off a stretch in which they played eight of nine on the road, while flying all over the continent, and went 7-1-1. So they’re playing really, really good hockey right now as they push for a playoff spot.

Denis Gauthier — He’s bad at hockey AND a headhunter. Also, Don Cherry would describe him as a soft, visor-wearing frenchman, a sentiment with which I would not disagree.

They stole Craig Conroy from us — Because the Kings are greedy and mean, they took Jarome Iginla’s best friend in the whole world for almost two years, and made us all very sad. It also cost Calgary draft picks and an exorbitant salary to get him back. Booooo.

Wayne Gretzky — Like I haven’t forgotten about that clown played in LA for a bunch of years. He sucks. They suck.

Purple on their uniforms — What are they? GIRLS?

All their good players — They should be on Calgary. For sure.

They’re playing good hockey — We definitely can’t like that.

Because you feel bad for me. Enjoy the game and feel free to shake your moneymaker in the comments section!