Welcome to the 14th Game Day Fire Drill, for this, Calgary’s 62nd game of the season on March 1, 2009.

Some things are unforgivable.

This is one of them.

I will never, ever forgive the National Hockey League, Gary Bettman, the War Room in Toronto, Colin Campbell or the Tampa Bay Lightning for not allowing that goal to stand. It was clearly a goal, and they didn’t have the famous angle that shows the puck cross the goal line.

Inexcusable and reprehensible.

It is now nearly five years later, and to this day, I can’t even have that goal brought up to me without going into an apoplectic rage. Just writing about it is making me incredibly upset. Excuse me for a moment.

…

Okay. I am not old enough to remember 1989 especially well. I certainly wasn’t a big hockey fan at that point. And so to have this experience actually, physically stolen from me is, of course, the worst thing that anyone or anything has ever done to me.

And that’s why, tonight, I would like the Flames to not only beat the Lightning, I would like them to beat them by, ohhhhh I don’t know, 600. A nice 600-0 victory would make me feel a LOT better.

The Calgary Flames (37-18-6 for 80 points. Third in the West, first in the Northwest) and the Tampa Bay Lightning (20-30-12 for 52 points. Thirteenth in the East, fourth in the Southeast)

6 p.m. Mountain time and 8 p.m. Eastern time. All other time zones should try to figure this out the Pinocchio Paradox.

Pengrowth Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta.

Calgary is 22-7-4 at home this year, and are 1-0-1 against Southeast division opponents this year. The Lightning are 9-18-4 on the road (yikes!) and haven’t won a road game since Jan. 12. They are 0-6-1 since that game, giving up an average of 3.9 goals a game and scoring just 1.7. That’s unimaginably awful.

June, 2004 — I still have not fully recovered from the emotional roller coaster I went through in that wonderful, awful, great, terrible two-week stretch. I’ve certainly never forgiven Martin St. Louis, Vincent Lecavalier or any of the other pukes from that ’04 Bolts team that stuck around. I hope Phaneuf puts one of them through the friggin’ glass tonight.

Martin St. Louis — WHY IS HE SO GOOD? He’s 5-foot-1 and weighs 104 pounds with his equipment on. Somehow he is an excellent hockey player. Also, he went to the University of Vermont and is therefore a jerk.

The “Saw” movies — Bolts owner Oren Koules (or is it that other guy? Who cares, I guess?) made his fortune off these steaming pieces of garbage. I now boycott ALL horror movies on general principle.

Indecision — The Lightning have used 38 skaters this year! THIRTY-EIGHT! How is that even possible?

Paul Szczechura — I don’t know who he is or what he does, but this guy’s name irks me. I’m sorry, “Szcz-” is not an acceptable prefix.

Vincent Lecavalier — Obvious reasons.

Because Martin Gelinas scored in Game 6. Enjoy the game and let’s bitch about no-goals in the comments section.