Welcome to the 19th Game Day Fire Drill, for this, Calgary’s 67th game of the season on March 10, 2009.

It’s awful rare that Calgary plays a team with more points than itself, but maybe, given how they’ve played against teams with roughly half their point total, that motivation/fear is just what the doctor ordered. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

Living out east from most of you guys as I do, I get to see a lot of the Devs, and let me tell you, they’re a FRIGHTENINGLY good team. Christ, they lost Martin Brodeur for a vast majority of the season, and have played a combination of Scott Clemmensen (who?) and Kevin Weekes (who?) for like 50 games, and came out with a 32-17-1 record. No joke.

Imagine if Calgary lost Kiprusoff for that long? You’d be looking at a lottery pick, probably. But that’s how terrifying New Jersey is. WITHOUT the Best Goalie Ever, they were 15 games above .500 for 50 games.

And after games like that against the Thrashers and Hurricanes? Calgary will be lucky to get out alive.

At least Daymond Langkow’s back, right guys?

RIGHT?

The Calgary Flames (39-21-6 for 84 points. Third in the West, first in the Northwest) and the New Jersey Devils (42-20-3 for 87 points. Second in the East, second in the Atlantic)

5 p.m. Mountain time and 7 p.m. Eastern time. All other time zones should disrupt local government with an hilarious machine.

Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey.

Calgary is 17-13-7 on the road this year, and is playing some deplorable road hockey right this second. The Devils are a sparkling 22-10-1 at home, have won seven in a row in Jersey, and have won 19 of their last 24(!).

They’re so, so good — Marty Brodeur has played like 15 games for the Devils this year and somehow they still have more points than the Flames.

Marty Brodeur — This kinda folds into the other, but he’s still so good it’s scary. Bad news.

The ghetto —If you thought Rexall Place was in a bad neighborhood (i.e. the greater Edmonton metropolitan area), try swinging by Newark. First, it is not advisable to drive your car to games. They actually tell you not to do this. Because there is a better-than-average chance that it will be broken into and/or stolen. Second, the train station through which you are urged to get to the area, is two or three blocks from the rink, and they actually have road blocks set up that creates a straight walk from door to door, lest an unwitting tourist wander 10 feet outside the Green Zone and be involved in some sort of violent crime. Seriously, Newark might be the worst place in North America.

Brent Sutter — Another traitor Sutter. They should all work or play for the Flames in some capacity. Seems only fair to Darryl, A.K.A. The Best Sutter.

John Madden — With no competition since 2005, his video game has gotten worse and worse every year. It’s barely playable at this point.

Paul Martin — I don’t trust people who have two first names. Also on this list: Derek Roy, Jason Blake, Bobby Ryan, Rob Blake, Erik Cole, Owen Nolan, Mark Stuart, Brett Clark, Aaron Ward, Brian Lee, Chris Neil, Hal Gill, Chris Clark, Ryan Craig, Bill Thomas, Mike Ryan, Ben Walter, John Scott, Jared Ross, Alex Henry, Boyd Gordon, Andrew Gordon, Mitch Fritz, Tim Brent, Cam Ward, Tim Thomas, Chris Mason, Curtis Joseph, Jimmy Howard. Don’t believe I’ve missed anyone have I?

Because you’re a nihilist. Enjoy the game and remember to hide all the razors before heading to the comments section.